#gave him some extra whimsy

[gaybuttyogurt]

i'm going to put him in an air fryer .

[lieslab]

And I heard about the twister that lives inside your heart

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Felix X gn reader

Summary: You breakup with your boyfriend, unable to cope with your rapidly declining terminal illness, but he refuses to let you fight alone.

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 8k

Trigger warning: Terminal illness, stages of grief, hospice care, descriptions of the body shutting down and death.

A/N: This has torn my heart to shreds. If that's me, I can't imagine what you'll experience. Terminal illness is horrible and brings unimaginable pain to everyone involved. To the requestee, I hope this is what you were looking for. Please grab your tissues before you start, you'll need them <3

_ _ _

Feelings could be fatal. Felix knew that. You could call it naivety, but he called it love. Felix knew he loved you from the first day he saw you. The way the breeze flew through your hair and cherry blossom petals rained down behind you. 

Your eyes scanned the area. You were searching for something and it certainly wasn’t the love of your life. When your eyes caught his, a soft pink flushed your cheeks. His freckled cheeks pushed up into a smile, two dimples appeared, and he gave you a brief wave. 

Your own smile grew and you returned his wave. In those few seconds, he threw away the need to rush to the company building. They wouldn’t miss him for a few extra minutes. He introduced himself and you greeted him. Before he knew your name, he knew his heart was yours. 

Such a cliche k-drama moment, he talked about meeting you all the time. Whenever he got the chance, he brought it up. Recounting the way the petals drifted towards your body, as if they were magnetized by your being, just as he was. The sunlight reflected in your eyes in a way that made your soul shine.

Some group members scoffed, shoving their fingers in their ears, waving him away, and throwing shots of disapproving groans. Not yet taken captive by their own lovers, they couldn’t stand such a cheesy romance. Other members felt the opposite way. A brightness when Felix’s head perked up. He spoke with his hands, gesturing and pouring out his endearment for you. People didn’t know Felix without knowing you. 

Jeongin happened to be one of these members. He listened to Felix’s words about you non-stop. When Felix talked about the dates you went on, he took silent notes. If any member could pull someone and make them the happiest person on earth, it was Felix. 

A walking ray of sunlight, hand crafted by Apollo himself. Embedded with charm and charisma. A whimsy childlike wonder coddled his heart and kept him young. Jeongin took note of that, too. 

The cheesy pickup lines. The apology gifts for occasionally doing the wrong thing and hurting your feelings. The special presents, not for a specific reason, but just because he could. Because maybe, deep down, the tiny trinket of your favorite animal would look cute on your side of the nightstand. 

He purchased you some of the things you talked about. The way your eyes always widened and your smile grew. Sometimes, you never fully pulled the gift from the bag all the way. Instead, you leapt into his arms, covering his face with kisses. Treating him with your very own personalized thank-yous.

Felix tried not to talk about you all the time. He knew things existed outside of you, but you were the love of his life. Life is full of beautiful things and you were one of them. He told the world about you. 

From brief conversations with strangers, complimenting their outfits that you shared traits with, to showing you off on his arm at formal events. His heart stitched to yours. Smitten from day one, he thought you’d be his forever. 

Jeongin grew used to this idea as well. So when he awoke to Seungmin shaking him and informing him something was wrong with you and Felix, on a starless night, he panicked. He jerked himself upright with tendrils of dark hair sticking up like he’d been zapped with lightning. 

He shoved himself into a hoodie and slides. Each footstep that landed closer to Felix and Seungmin’s dorm, it brewed anxiety in his chest. You weren’t just Felix’s significant other, you turned into one of Jeongin’s closest friends. He cared about the two of you immensely. 

A soft hand knocked on the outer oakwood of Felix’s bedroom door. “Felix? It’s Innie, please let me in.” 

“Go away.” His voice seeped with sadness. “Just leave me alone, please.” A sniffle followed up his plea. 

It killed him. The idea of his group mate and one of his brothers tucked alone inside his room, he hated it. He took a step forward, pushed open the door, and slid inside. What he saw caused his heart to drop. 

Felix sat up in his bed with his white comforter tucked over his shoulders. His usual honeyed freckles sat red and swollen. Beneath his eyes, tears glistened over the tops of each cheek. 

“Felix, you’re scaring me.” 

“It’s over, Innie. It’s all over.” 

“Huh?” 

“They broke up with me over text. I don’t know what I did. They won’t respond to me. They left a long paragraph, stating they were moving away. What did I do, Innie?” His bottom lip quivered and more tears filled his eyes. “What did I do?” 

“Lix…” His voice came out softly. He imagined all the things he could have done in a split second. A broken sob fell from Felix’s chest. With squeezed shut eyes, he tucked the blanket tighter to his body; trying to seek out the comfort your warmth could no longer provide. 

Behind him, Seungmin stood silently in the doorway. His face fell from the news. The last few days, his brain tuned through the conversations with Felix. No fights. No bitter arguments. From what he remembered, everything had been working out for you two. 

Jeongin stepped forward once and then again. He leaned forward, parading into the bed besides Felix’s body. Just as Felix did to him so many times before, he pushed himself closer to the broken man. 

Occasionally, even the sun needs to experience the comfort and softness of the sky’s blanketing clouds. 

~ ~ ~ 

On a grassy cliff, you overlooked the beach down below. Above you, seagulls squawked and squalled. They swarmed, desperate for food, but you didn’t have any. Nourishment for your own body was the last thing on your mind, let alone food for the birds. 

Silky blue waves pushed white foam against the rocks below. You sent the break up message to Felix and then hit block. Some would call you a coward, but you called it love. Love is always dangerous and this one wasn’t much different. 

For a few minutes, you teetered on the edge of the cliff. Not planning to jump, but rather reminding yourself you were human. You could feel the sea spray from up here. The squawks of life from above. The garbles and playful water splashes of the aquatic life below the crashing waves. 

You existed somewhere in between at this moment. Somewhere between soaring high above the heads of everyone you loved and slipping beneath the gentle waves of the sea. Soft tendrils of bright green grass wrapped around your ankles. They tethered you to earth, a gentle reminder that you weren’t alone. 

Life has a tendency to knock you down when life is going great. Just when you think you might get to soar, you’re a few feet off the ground and you’re dropped again. Another challenge. A new task and what will it result in? Do you manage to accomplish it with pride, or let it drag you off your feet and pin you to the ground? 

Life felt that way recently. You and Felix were browsing apartments. Nothing too official yet, but just ideas. It had been the next step of your relationship. Eventually, marriage and a house. A family? You debated, but there wasn’t a solid conclusion. You never strayed from that truth until now. 

You loved Felix with your entire heart. When you stayed over at his dorm and awoke to the constellation of freckles, you understood why people loved the stars so much. Patterns and small detailings in between life’s fine print. An entire secret that only few people understood and gained the grasp of. 

Throughout history, multiple people found similar patterns in the sky. They recorded them, gave them names, and pulled stories from them. Felix’s freckles made you an astronomer in your own special way. With a single swipe of your thumb against his cheek, you could recall all the memories. 

His freckles brightened on the sunnier days. In the winter, they paled. You hated when they were dulled over with makeup. He insisted they were still there, but you forced yourself not to reach up with a licked thumb and rub it away. His makeup artists hid them without a second thought. They erased history. 

No matter how hard the next part of your life would be, you had to face it alone. As uncomfortable and unwanted it was, you vowed not to bring him down with you. You couldn’t and you wouldn’t. 

You would not let Felix pull off his helmet and lose himself in the deep dark diagnosis of your terminal illness. Your satellites crashed. The spaceship nosedived. You ran on fumes.

Your brain screamed mayday, but your heart chose peace; death with dignity, even if it hurt. 

~ ~ ~ 

Felix used to sleep peacefully at night. Now he jerked upright with shaky breaths. His arms reached out for you, squirming and grabbing in the darkness, he never found you again. The heartstopping realization that it wasn’t just a dream. This was real life and you were gone from his. 

You blocked his number.

He showed up at your apartment door banging, but you didn’t appear. The door didn’t swing open. He tried to knock on the windows, doing anything he could to reach you through the white siding and aged bricks. You never heard. You weren’t home. 

He moped. His teary face buried into the cold pillow and he screamed. Seungmin’s nights were busted open with the grief of his roommate. The first few times, he rushed into Felix’s room to settle him down. 

It stopped the night Felix locked his door. Seungmin grabbed the knob, but it didn’t turn. Inside, his limbs kicked and tangled in the blankets. Sweat caused his t-shirt to stick to his skin. He shrieked, calling out for you, but you never came. 

Even in his dreams, you never showed up. If it weren’t for the pictures of you in his phone, he might have assumed he dreamt it all. Your bright eyes and familiar smile. Your hands connected together like puzzle pieces. Where did you go? 

He started to take his attention to the night sky. Restless and missing you, he dropped himself in front of his window. Star-filled constellations, the ones you compared his freckles to. What a privilege it was to be seen in nature. 

When a glowing white orb swooped across the night sky, he weakly whispered your name. Nothing else mattered besides you. Where did you go? Somewhere beneath the blanket of darkness, you had to be drawn to something, or maybe someone. 

Did he do something wrong? It wasn’t cheating. Arguments hadn’t occurred in quite a while. The two of you hated bucking heads and when you did, you were both sure to come to a conclusion, or pause the high-filled emotions to walk away for a break. 

“You walked away, but you’ll come back, right? Come back to me, baby.” Moonlight reflected in his teary eyes. He clutched his arms around himself tighter, wishing it was you. “Just… just come back.” 

He barely uttered your name before collapsing and burying a sob in his hand, trying not to awaken Seungmin. 

~ ~ ~ 

It took a few days before you agreed to meet with Jeongin, but you didn’t go to his dorm. You couldn’t tell Felix about this. You didn’t want to tell Jeongin, but when he called you in a shaky voice, you knew he was crying. It broke your heart. If this was Jeongin, you couldn’t imagine how Felix must feel. 

You texted him the address and waited inside the set of double glass doors. Behind you, a bright pastel yellow soaked the walls. Bright and happy colors to try and pull you away from your impending doom. You tried to stay positive, but gloom haunted these halls. 

You sensed it on the first day you moved in. Assigned to a small room with an attached bathroom. A closet to hold clothes, a desk with a single chair, and a TV stand welded into the wall with a flat screen TV. 

The lilac bedding mocked you. The sage green walls reminded you of life. All the lush green things you’d leave behind. The simplest things like the scallions topping your scrambled eggs and the color of your favorite body wash. 

Those that were more prominent; soft grass beneath your feet, the earthy and warm scent of ozone when rain approached darkened skies, the towering green swaying in the wind when you looked up in the middle of the forest. 

The staff tried to make the outdoors exciting. Black metal benches perched around the exterior. In the back, a garden adorned with flowers blossoming in every direction. Ivy grown arches you could walk beneath. Stone bird baths that bright birds dipped their heads in and shimmied their feathers, no matter the weather. 

You grew to hate the birds. Their happy warbles, their chirps, and the way they could flutter away from their problems with ease. You wished you could be a bird, it’d be so much easier than this. 

When you spotted Jeongin’s car pull into the parking lot and enter a space, you finally pushed open one of the glass doors to approach him. He slowly stepped out of his car, staring at the red-bricked building in shock. 

“Why are you-” 

“Living in a hospice center? Because I was thinking about pregnancy and bringing another life into this earth.” You weakly chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, but Jeongin’s head shook. 

“Why are you really here?” 

“Because I’m dying, Jeongin.” 

His face fell. You stared at him, taking in every small detail. The straight dark brows and half-moon eyes. Your heart would inflate with happiness when you made him laugh so hard, he leaned back and squeezed his eyes shut. As if shutting his eyes would make the humor disappear. Usually, it’d lead into more teasing and taunting. Today, an empty silence blanketed the two of you. 

“What?” 

“I have a terminal illness.” 

“Terminal?” 

“I can’t be cured, Jeongin.” You tried to smile and reassure him that you’d be fine, but you couldn’t get the corners of your mouth to lift high enough. 

You pulled away from the people you loved because you denied it. Because maybe you couldn’t see their faces, feel their warmth, and go to bed at night, only for your brain to remind you that you’d be gone soon. 

Terminal illness cannot be cured. Incurable. Irreversible. A punishment that nobody expects, but humans are doomed to fall victim to it, regardless. 

When cancer riddles your body and leaves you broken.

When the brain’s functions decline and your cognitive ability starts to speed downhill like an olympic winter toboggan. 

When disease infects a vital organ and tears apart the relationship it has with your body, it starts shutting down. 

A variety of different kinds are out there. You just never thought it’d be you. Not at this age. Not at this point in your life. Not now. 

You just started to live, but death is greedy. It takes and it takes and it takes. It is never enough. Death will never have enough. Hands soaked with blood and an engorged stomach full of souls and their fading warmth. Today, it looms behind you. Tomorrow, it steps closer. 

Anxiety burrows and nausea builds, but we never escape it. There is no leaving this life without the help of death. Whether you deny it, or accept it, you denied it. Death is cruel and you learned it at a young age. 

Family dinners grew smaller as it picked out family members. It took pets from the safety of the four walls that you called home. How do you live with the realization that you are meant to die sooner than most? 

“You need to tell Lix. He’s broken without you. He’s miserable and-” 

“I can’t,” you whispered. “I can’t do that to him and I won’t. He can’t know about this, Jeongin. This will destroy him.” 

“It’ll destroy him more if he doesn’t know you’re suffering through this alone.” 

“Innie...” 

“Please, you-” 

“Jeongin!” You snapped as tears burned in your lower lids. “I can’t tell my boyfriend I’m dying! I-I just-” Your bottom lip quivered. “I-I can’t! I can’t! I can’t!” 

Sensing you were about to break, he reached out to steady you. That’s when your arms wrapped around him tightly. You sobbed in his arms, terrified of it all. What did you do to deserve this? How do you cope with the anxiety and accept that death is striding towards you without stopping? 

Your own body, the thing saving you since birth, it’s not enough to shield your soul. Some higher power, some natural thing, it comes no matter what. 

What a curse that your death came before your life could really begin. 

~ ~ ~ 

The hospice center was imprinted on the inside of Jeongin’s eyelids. He couldn’t sleep. The nurses from earlier kept him up. How anyone found comfort by working with the dying, he didn’t know. People shouldn’t have to die, but they did. 

Blocks away, you laid on your deathbed and Felix didn’t know. You knew, Jeongin knew, but not Felix. With each breath, the balloon of guilt grew. What if you died without Felix being able to say goodbye? It’d kill him. The guilt would drown him. 

In a spur of the moment decision, he shoved off his blankets and pushed them off. He slipped on his slides, grabbed his car keys, and headed outside. On the way out of the dorm he shared with Chan, he dialed Felix’s number. 

After midnight, Felix was half asleep at the window. Curled on the floor with a cheek pressed against the window seal, his eyes groggily opened at the sound of a vibration. He sniffled and sat up, swiping at the phone to answer the call. “Hello?” 

“Felix?” 

“Innie, are you okay? You sound worried. What’s wrong?” He sat up with a yawn. Brushing back his messy hair, he adjusted the phone to his ear when Jeongin blubbered. “What did you say?” 

“I need you to come meet me in the driveway with my car in it.” 

“Is something wrong?” 

“You need to know something.” 

“I’m coming.” He rushed into the apartment’s entryway and shoved his feet into his still-tied shoes. Jeongin hung up on him, waiting for his arrival. 

He didn’t have to wait long. Felix appeared less than two minutes with his phone still in his hand. “Hey, are you alright?” 

Tears pricked at Jeongin’s eyes and he shook his head. “I’m sorry, but I need to tell you. I called and talked to-” 

Felix cut him off and stepped forward. “Really? They answered the phone? Are they okay?” 

The words vacuumed from his throat. How do you tell someone you love their significant other is dying? You were back in a bed, surrounded by the fading souls of others, slowly dying. He shook his head frantically and pawed at his eyes with his sweater. 

“They’re at a hospice facility. They said it’s a terminal illness, Lix.” 

He couldn’t breathe. His dark eyes stayed focused on Jeongin. Through the dark, he reached out and gripped his wrist. “What kind of sick fucking joke are you playing, Jeongin?” He squeezed his wrist tighter, too afraid to face the truth. 

“You’re hurting me,” he whispered. He tried to tug away, but Felix squeezed harder. “I can take you there. I’ll take you there right now. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t keep it a secret. I can’t watch you suffer. Neither of you. I-I can’t.” 

“How long do they have left?” 

“The doctors are saying three months at most.” 

“What hospice place?” 

“The one right by the catholic church on-” 

Felix didn’t wait for an answer. He spun around and took off into the darkness of the night. Jeongin called his name, but he didn’t stop. You were dying and he didn’t know. You didn’t break up with him because you hated him, you called it quits because you were dying. 

White street lights blurred through his tears. Each one put  a spotlight on his silhouette. Cruel higher powers watched in mockery. What happened to God and prayers? What happened to prayers being answered? 

He couldn’t breathe. The air in his lungs ran out back in the driveway. It came out in whimpers and pants for air. His throat suffocated. You weren’t meant for the earth to take back. The ground couldn’t hold you like he could. It wasn’t warm enough. You’d never be able to see the sun from six feet below. 

Immortalization and praise. Paradise and pleasure. The family he’d never get to start. His legs pushed harder, he ran faster. The wind roared through his hair and he screamed your name in the darkness. 

He wanted an outstretched hand. An explanation. A cure. Something to bring you back and keep you alive. He’d give it all up to save you. Whatever organ you needed, you could have his. He’d die if it meant you could stay alive. Anything you needed, he’d give it. He’d give his everything to keep you safe. 

The heavy thumps of his heart, the ticking time bomb of yours. Every breath he took, another you lost. He ran in your direction, stumbling and screeching your name. You slept soundlessly in a dreamless sleep. 

Near the end of the road, the curb caught his ankle. He jerked forward, shoving out his hands to stop himself. The pavement scraped and drew blood. God kicked him in the back, a reminder that not even the bravest and loyalist believers could stop his will from unwinding. 

Shaky breaths turned into choked out sobs. A dog with no home. A lover with no life. You were everything to him. What happens when everything is ripped away? When the goals are jerked from the journal before the accomplishments? Your body withered away and yet, you still craved life. 

Headlights shone behind him. He dropped to the ground defeated. His fingernails dug into the concrete and a sob escaped his throat. Familiar voices called his name. Chan got there before Jeongin. 

He pulled up the younger member and tugged him to his chest tight. Felix uttered your name again, unable to stop the louder sobs. The current of life changed. The tides shifted and pulled you under. 

You cannot always save the people you love, especially not in the snarling face of death. 

~ ~ ~ 

In the morning, you awoke to something soft stroking your cheek. You mumbled Jeongin’s name, thinking he somehow stumbled into your room. Instead, you found the familiar eyes of your boyfriend. His lips quivered before they smiled. 

“Hi, there.” 

“Lix?” 

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry. Jeongin told me everything and I’m not leaving you on your own for this.” 

You couldn’t be mad. Maybe, deep down, you told Jeongin because you knew he’d tell Felix. It’d take the pressure off of you. You’d never be able to explain it in full detail without breaking down. 

Perhaps, you’d been chasing your tail in denial because now that Felix was here, acceptance slipped between the two of you. A silent, but necessary evil. Neither of you could stop this ending. You’d try to do whatever it took, but people don’t leave hospice alive. 

“I should be the one apologizing,” you whispered. “I was selfish.” 

“You were scared. This is scary. It’s better to be scared together.” 

“I didn’t want to disappoint you. I feel like I ruined you. I made you fall in love and now…” 

“You could never disappoint me.” He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your temple. “I love you and you’re mine.” 

“I love you, too.” 

“Scoot over. I’m not leaving you here to fight this alone.” 

~ ~ ~ 

You loved one another endlessly and it flowed effortlessly. Your love ended in a doomsday. Your time was limited. Felix took a hiatus, wanting to be there with you through everything. 

You refused to let your terminal illness break you. The first two weeks, it almost felt like staying at a hotel, if you took away the staff members coming in to check on you. Felix stayed with you after purchasing an air mattress. He refused to let you be alone. 

In the third week, he brought you a notebook and a pen. You stared at it with a raised eyebrow. “What’s this for?” 

“I figured you could make a bucket list.” 

“But I’m in hospice?” 

“It doesn’t mean you can’t dream. I mean, they probably won’t recommend you go skydiving, but there’s other things you can do.” 

He leaned forward, gently taking the pen from your hand. He wrote a bullet point and the words ‘fancy dinner.’ You glanced over and chuckled. “Really?” 

“What? I’m thinking of something really nice. Whatever you want, just let me know. Steak? Sushi? Korean Barbeque? You just let me know and we’ll go.” He reached over, gently booping the tip of your nose with the pen, and placed it back in your dominant hand. 

You glanced down at the empty stripes of notebook paper. A bucket list wasn’t really something you thought much of, especially now that you were in hospice. You bit your lip, wanting to think of something. 

“I’ve got it!” You jerked forward, scribbling something out. “That’s what I wanna do.” 

Felix’s face softened. “Really? You mean it?” 

“A hundred percent. Of course, I mean it. I don’t know how. Not enough time, but I think if we-” 

“We’ll figure it out.” 

You nodded and your eyes met his. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning over and hugging you in a tight hug. A quick kiss to your nose, right where the pen tapped you. Your arms returned the favor. A soft sigh escaped your lips and you relaxed. 

You’d be okay dying in his arms like this. ~ ~ ~ 

Death lingered, but you roared. Using what time you had left, you did it all. In a final trip at the grocery store, you and Felix argued over what flavor of milk was better. Strawberry or chocolate? It lasted nearly the entire shopping trip. 

The two of you went back to his dorm. Seungmin went over to bother Changbin and Hyunjin. You’d seen the guys in passing, but you didn’t see them too much. They all grew fond of you. Seeing you now and knowing you’d be gone soon, it was a hard pill to swallow. 

“You’re going to burn the vegetables!” You called over your shoulder. 

“Hey! No, I’m not!” Felix laughed and stirred the multicolored veggies in the pan. “Shut up and focus on your own dish.” 

“Telling a dying person to shut up is crazy work.” 

“I didn’t mean it like that! Come ‘er!” 

You let him grab your waist and spin you around. A dizziness settled over you. You smiled, regardless. His hands slipped to your hips and he gently squeezed. The fullness of your body melted away the less and less you consumed. 

Your fancy dinner turned into a home cooked meal. Not that you were complaining, it beat hospice food. You were due to return there later tonight. Until then, you and Felix were up to your usual antics. 

You teased him and he teased you. You playfully bumped into one another, careful enough not to cause accidents. Felix placed you in a kiss the cook apron. Every time he could, he snuck kisses on your bare skin. Not sure how much time you had left, he took advantage of it. 

You squeaked and shivered as he pushed another soft kiss into the back of your neck. “You can’t do that! That’s cheating!” 

He mocked you in a high-pitched voice. You spun around, reaching out to weakly grip his throat. You started to laugh, but it turned to coughing. The playful energy in the air ceased instantly. 

“Easy, easy. I’m sorry.” He pushed your hair back from your face. “Deep breath in and out.” His other hand went to your back, rubbing it to support you. “Do you need some water?” 

You nodded, a little embarrassed you ruined the fun. Just when you forgot you were dying, it came back to bite you in the ass. A brutal reminder that each second between the two of you was precious. 

He gently squeezed your shoulder before walking away and heading to the cupboard. He grabbed a glass and you forced slow deep breaths. Your body shut down more and more as the days went by. 

You could feel it. Your limbs felt heavier. Your body, more sluggish. Your brain became slower. Thoughts were on the tip of your tongue and then disappeared. 

When he reappeared with a glass of ice water, he pushed it to your chapped lips. You tipped your head back and slowly sipped. It soothed the aching sides of your throat. For whatever reason, your mouth felt drier; an interior sahara desert that you couldn’t shake. 

“Let’s take it easier, yeah?” 

You hummed. He pulled the water away and sat it on the counter. You hated to admit it, but the hospice staff were right. They allowed you to venture out with Felix, as long as  you were up for it, but warned you that as time went on, you probably wouldn’t have the energy. 

All the extra oomph and fun on your bucket list, you had to make adjustments. Hospice staff wanted you checked in at certain times. You were supposed to be an inpatient. You assumed they let you slip out more than usual because you were younger. 

Some of the older people were stuck in their beds. Heavy limbs, death rattles, and the faint whirring of oxygen tanks. Death wasn’t a constant thing. Some people had a few weeks and others were like you, they had a few months left. 

Regardless, a hospice inpatient center wasn’t a good place for a rowdy couple still head-over-heels in love. You wanted to run. They lectured you. When you laughed too hard at something Felix said while a nurse checked on you, she shot the two of you an unamused glare.

Not because she was mean, but because she grew worried. All the laughing and screwing around, it wasted your energy. You didn’t want to conserve it. You couldn’t. Death was coming and your time was still limited. 

“Felix?” 

“Yeah, babe?” 

“I think we should do that last thing on our bucket list this week.” 

He glanced back to look at you over his shoulder. His heart ached, knowing what that meant, but he nodded. “I’ll talk to the guys and we’ll do it.” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

“Stop getting so sappy, you’re going to make me burn the vegetables.” He stuck his tongue out and laughed at you. 

“You started it!” 

~ ~ ~ 

Two days later, the two of you stood in thrifted outfits. You held hands out in the back of Chan and Jeongin’s dorm. The rest of the guys speckled around. Jeongin stood with a bible open. “I’m so glad I get to carry out my dream of becoming a priest before you die.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

The guys sat in a plethora of lawn chairs. Jeongin stood beneath a gazebo and glanced between you and Felix. “Are the two of you ready to begin?” The sun and the guys became your witnesses. 

You nodded and Felix agreed. His thumbs slowly brushed along the back of your hand. Jeongin sighed and read off a random passage of vows he found online. “Do you take Lee Felix to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do you part?”

Felix blinked rapidly, squeezing your hands a little tighter. You smiled and nodded your head. “I do.” 

“And Felix, do you take-” 

“Shut up. I do. Of course, I do. Lawfully wedded spouse, from this day forward, better, or worse, or whatever. In sickness and until death do us part. Blah, blah, blah. I don’t care about that part. I just want to kiss you.” 

In the background, laughter appeared. Jeongin sighed and shut the bible. “Well, I guess I didn’t need that. Go ahead, you may kiss the-” 

Gasps filled the air. You squealed. Felix wrapped an arm around you and dipped you down, causing one of your feet to leave the ground. When the warmth of his lips met yours, your hands cupped his cheeks. 

Jeongin blinked rapidly, trying not to cry. A few of the others looked the same way. When Felix pulled away and placed you back on your feet, a warm and fuzzy feeling filled your heart. He grinned at you and booped your nose. 

“Alright,” Chan clapped in the background and shoved himself to his feet. “It’s time to cook the lamb and sides. Who wants to do what?” 

When you offered to do something, he shook his head and waved you away with Felix. “I think Felix wanted to discuss something with you.” He winked at Felix and spun around, dishing out roles to the other guys. 

You glance back to find Felix. He smiled and grabbed your hand. “Yeah, sorry. I wanted to do the ring exchange away from everyone.” 

“Oh, I forgot about the rings. That’s one of the most important parts and I-” 

“It’s okay, I’ve got it.” He grabbed your hand and led you away from the guys and the grill. Across the way, he stopped in his and Seungmin’s backyard. 

As carefully as he could, he pulled out a velvet box from his pocket and opened it to reveal two rings. Your face softened instantly. “They’re gorgeous.” The pair of rings sat snug between black velvet padding.

“I got us both rings with our birthstone colors. Mine is sapphire, but it doesn’t matter. You can either pick that, or yours. It’s entirely up to you.” 

“I want yours. I want to take a piece of you with me to the grave.” 

“Do you have to remind me that you’re dying so often?” 

“I can’t let you forget.” 

He playfully rolled his eyes, grabbed the sapphire jeweled ring, and slowly placed it on your ring finger. You picked out yours and grabbed his hand. You hesitated for a moment, noting how warm his hands were. Lately, yours has lost their warmth far too quickly for your liking. 

“Hey, are you okay? It’s okay if you want that ring, really, it-” 

“I’m okay. Just thinking.” You slipped the ring on his ring finger and held it up to the sparkling sun. “This fits you well. It looks beautiful with your skin tone.” 

“And the band color matches. Look at us. We did it! Kinda. We’re married! In theory, that’s all that matters.” 

You laughed and nodded. He reached out, cupping the side of your cheek. He kissed your forehead affectionately and pulled back. “Before we go back to the others, I wanted to read something I wrote to you.” 

He pulled a folded piece of paper from the breast pocket of his suit and stepped back. “If you were to tell me our love story would end with you dying months ago, I would have laughed. I would have dubbed it absurd and moved on with my life. Over these past few weeks, my world has shattered, b-but-” He choked up. “You’ve managed to help me rebuild it in ways that I didn’t think possible.” 

“I’ve always feared death. I’ve hated it. It’s sat on my shoulder and haunted me since I was younger. Out of the two of us, you’re the first to cross the rainbow bridge. I like to think that heaven is as big and beautiful as you imagine it to be.” 

“Whatever happens, it must be good because people usually don’t return from death.” A weak chuckle fell from your throat and he continued. “But please know, you’re welcome to come back at any time. If you find out that you can haunt people, my house is always open.” 

He didn’t dare look up at you. Not yet. “Our love is immeasurable for one another. I don’t think the spirit realm can stop it either. The devil can try, but I believe we’re untouchable and-” 

He shook his head and wrinkled the ball of paper. “I’m sorry, it’s stupid. I should have worked better on it.” 

“Nah, I’m glad you let me know I can haunt you. I’m going to take you up on that offer. Maybe try a ouija board or something? We’ll come up with a code word to let you know I’m okay.” 

“Like?” 

“Maybe a symbol, or something.” You shrugged. “I’ve always thought Monarch butterflies were pretty.” 

“Monarchs it is.” 

“Speaking of butterflies,” you reached down and took something from your own pocket. “I didn’t write vows because I couldn’t think of any, but I bought a disposable camera. I thought maybe we could take photos throughout today and the next few days. You can look back on them after I’m gone.” 

“That’s really beautiful. Can I take one of you?” You nodded. He turned on the camera, stepped back, and adjusted the frame. When he found the right angle he clicked, lighting up your eyes with a bright flash.

“You’re a natural at posing.”

You stared at him for a moment. A halo of sunlight shrouded you. He wanted to remember this brief moment forever. Your eyes went to the ground before finding his “Felix?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I don’t want to die,” you finally admitted. Tears filled your eyes. “I’m so scared. I don’t want to go alone.” 

He leaned forward, shutting off the camera, and wrapping you in a hug. He pulled your head to his chest. “I don’t think you’ll be alone. It’s been documented that some people see their passed loved ones before they go. I think they’ll be waiting for you on the other side.” 

“You really think so?” 

“I hope so. I want to see my grandma again. If you see her, please give her the biggest hug for me, will you? She always gave the best hugs.” 

Your arms tightened around him. Your head dipped against his chest. His heart beat rhythmically. A painful pang of envy cut through you and you hated yourself for it. It wasn’t his fault your body was giving up. 

You sniffled. Tears soaked his suit, but he didn’t complain. He didn’t fight it. Instead, he gently placed the point of his chin on top of your head. His arms shielded you. You should have physically lived forever. His heart wasn’t the right place to carry your memory. He wanted you here forever. 

His eyes went over to the side. A few yards over, the guys talked and laughed. This was hard on them too, but they tried not to let the two of you see how much it bothered them. Death was hard for everyone. It wasn’t fair. 

It wasn’t fair that all these people he loved would be gone one day. Where would they end up? How? How do we keep going after the people we love are gone? Being human is such a poetic tragedy. So much beauty. So much pain. A chaotic mindfuck of emotions, too short and insufferably long; how rare and beautiful it is to exist. 

“When the time is right, I’m going to come find you and hold you just like this,” Felix finally uttered. 

“Promise?” 

“Of course, I promise.” 

“And in the meantime, you have to keep making good music. I’ll come back to haunt you. You should talk to me and tell me how life is. I’ll find a way to communicate, somehow.” 

“I believe it.” 

You pulled away from his chest and sniffled again. “Are we deluding ourselves?” 

“Probably, but it feels better that way.” He pressed another kiss to the tip of your nose. “We should probably go before the food gets done and the guys eat it all. Changbin and Han would.” 

“It’s not nice to throw them under the bus like that.” You took his hand and led him back to them. 

“It’s true and you know it. After this? We’ll have some of that cake I made.” 

About that time, Hyunjin came out of the back door with a square sheet of cake and a candle. Not yet lit, he slowly walked it over to the pair. The happy birthday song left his lips. Right as he nearly approached, he stumbled and slipped. 

Gasps sounded and Hyunjin shrieked. He jerked upright with wide eyes. The cake crumbled into pieces. He peeked out from beneath the vanilla buttercream frosting on his face. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to! I-” 

“Why did you sing happy birthday?” You asked. 

“I couldn’t think of a wedding song from the top of my head.”

You lost it. A giggle burst from your stomach. You laughed, curling down and clutching your stomach. Felix joined in and the rest hesitated. Changbin was the first to break into high pitched laughter, pointing at Hyunjin. Hyunjin threw him the middle finger and that broke the rest of them.

Han reached down, pulled a fingerful of cake from Hyunjin’s cheek, and put it in his mouth. “Wow, it’s still good. Great job, Yongbok. Hyunjin, uh-” He glanced down. “You should learn to walk better.” 

“I’ll kill you!” Hyunjin’s dark eyes widened and a hand clamped over his mouth. “Wrong thing. I didn’t mean to say that. I just-” He got up and bowed to you. Cake crumbs and rich white icing slathered his face and suit. Feeling horrible, he wanted to disappear. When he bowed, bits of destroyed cake hit the ground. 

You couldn’t be mad. None of you could. Nothing about this was traditional. It was one last party. A marriage. A celebration of life. It was everything tied all together. Later, your family and more friends were showing up. 

Everything all at once because your tomorrow wasn’t promised. 

You glanced over your shoulder, grinning at Felix. “Hey, we might as well take another picture and put that camera to good use.” 

~ ~ ~ 

You died three days later. After that last big hoo-rah, you dwindled quite rapidly. You tried to put on a brave face for Felix and everyone, but he saw through your exhausted facade quickly. 

For those three days, it was a lot of quiet conversation in the stillness of the hospice room. The sage green walls and the chirps of the birds from your open window. You shifted to watch them, unable to stand watching the television. 

Everything ached. It didn’t hurt, it just ached, as if you ran an entire marathon without stretching and pacing yourself. IV fluids pumped you full of meds, trying to make the last bits of life as comfortable for you as possible. 

Felix forced himself to harness peace in the moments of your sleeping silence. When your chest rose and fell, a sure sign you were still alive. He pushed your hair from your face, gently planting kisses on your colorless skin. 

The warm color disappeared. As your illness strengthened inside you, you weakened. You tried to be the bigger person, hiding your fear, but on that last night, you knew your time was coming. 

You curled up to Felix, unable to let go. You didn’t eat. Instead, you shifted to his chest, listening to the steady wallop of his heart. “Felix?” You whispered

“Hmm?” 

“I think my biggest fear isn’t death itself. I think it’s leaving you behind. I gave you all my love for nothing. I feel like I gave you this burden.” 

“You’re not a burden and this isn’t a burden. Don’t talk like that.” He wiped a tear away from your cheek. “You’ve been my greatest adventure.” 

Your bottom lip quivered. “You mean it?” 

“Every last word.” 

You stayed entangled like that for hours until he had to use the bathroom. You were half asleep, drifting away. He kissed the top of your temple and then your nose, promising to be right back. It only took a few minutes, but it was long enough. 

When he came back and shifted you, he jerked back as if he’d been slapped. He sprinted away, calling for assistance. The pastel yellow walls mocked him. Tears filled his eyes as he explained the situation to one of the nurses. The stillness and fading warmth of your skin.

In your final act of mercy, you waited to go until he was tucked safely in the bathroom. He didn’t see the way your sleepy eyes followed him into the bathroom. Your breath caught in your chest after he shut the door. You couldn’t get it back, but you didn’t panic. 

Your body filled with helium. You floated. One last final gasp and your eyes drifted shut. A soul laid to rest, slipping to the other side, and diving into the sympathy of warmth. 

You left the world knowing you were loved and even if it was short, that was the most important part. 

~ ~ ~ 

At the funeral, the heaviness wasn’t as bad as Felix expected. Of course, he missed you. They all did. Maybe it hurt a little less because they knew it was coming. He stole as many kisses as he could. The next would have to wait until he joined you on the other side. 

He blotted his eyes as the preacher spoke. In the cemetery burial, he spoke to your loved ones. Sniffling and teary eyed, Jeongin stepped up beside him. “Felix?” 

“Yeah?” He glanced over his shoulder. 

“Why does death have to be so hard?” 

“Because it can’t live. It takes lives because of envy. It tries to capture and cage something it can never obtain.” 

“I miss them.” 

“Me too.” 

He pulled a white rose from a vase and approached your coffin. Jeongin tagged along behind him. Felix stepped up first. He glanced at the stained wood, hoping that wherever you were, you finally found peace. He placed the white rose in the center of the coffin. 

Before he could speak, something tickled his hand. Glancing down, the fluttering wings of a monarch butterfly. Tears welled in his eyes immediately. “You missed me so much, you came back this quickly, huh?” 

Behind him, Jeongin peered over Felix’s shoulder. “Is that a monarch butterfly? What is it doing here? It’s too early for monarchs.” He stepped forward and slowly eased his rose next to Felix’s. 

“It’s them,” he whispered. The wings flapped again and went to the edge of his suit. He blinked wet eyes and smiled. “I love you.” 

Just as Jeongin was about to remove his hand from the coffin, Felix gasped. Jeongin’s head turned and his eyes widened. On the tip of Felix’s nose, the winged creature sat unbothered. 

“Woah, didn’t you used to always kiss their nose?” 

“I called them my butterfly kisses.” Silent tears trickled down his cheeks. “They came back. One more kiss before they go.” 

I love you, too.

After a few more seconds, the butterfly flapped its wings and took off. Their eyes followed it higher and higher into the air. They exchanged another look and Felix smiled. He chuckled and wipe away falling tears

You might not be there in person anymore, but you’d always be with them in spirit. 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lia-linny @seungnishi @stellasays45 @emilyywhyy @rockstarkkami @flightlessackerman @inlovewithstraykids @velvetmoonlght @chrizrizz @ari-hwanggg

Masterlist

Taglist and inbox rules

Ko-fi

[ggoyangie]

jing yuan x gn!spouse!reader. in which your husband dreamed you asked for a divorce. a/n: a self indulgent piece & definitely not proofread ^^;

Jing Yuan detests waking up alone in bed without his dearest: his spouse.

The both of you may not go to bed at the same time, but he'd always make sure you start your day together.

It took him some time to adjust to their schedule. On most days, they’re able to spend their mornings together; and on some, one of them would begrudgingly leave the other behind for their duty calls.

Today is one of those days, the general wakes up without their spouse clinging to them. The lack of warmth is off-putting, as dramatic as it may seem. He’s gotten used to waking up with their limbs tangled together, he's gotten used to the view of his beloved's face mushed on his bicep.

Jing Yuan can't bear the thought, though. Why would you ask for a divorce?

It was just a dream and he knew it was stupid, immature, and very much unlike him to take it to the heart — though he thinks his spouse would disagree. ‘You got your whimsy days,’ said his spouse to him once. It never left him since.

A life without his beloved? The person he'd follow anywhere if they ask? The person he'd drop everything for? The sole reason he's still holding on?

He's not accepting that.

When he arrives in the office, he finds you working extra hard. He almost forgets that he's supposed to be 'angry' at you when he sees your immersed in your work. He adores it a lot. He adores how you scrunch your forehead when you encounter something complicated. He adores how you would suddenly stare into the distance and scoff after dealing with a difficult citizen. He most especially adore how you'd smile at him after you catch him staring at you.

All that, and he remembers about the dream.

He lets out a huff before getting started with his works.

Throughout the day, he'd notice you looking at him while he's busy with paperwork and appointments in between; probably wondering why he hasn't looked your way yet.

He almost gave in but your face in his dream flashes in his mind. He went back to work to try and ignore you as his way of sulking when the truth is he already needs your attention.

"Did you wake up in the wrong side of the bed?" you finally ask him after your shift ends, walking up to his desk where he is after making sure that no one is in your earshot.

"I'm unsure what you mean," your husband answers, his eyes not leaving the scroll he's reading.

A moment of silence falls as you try to figure out what's going on. He didn't even spare you a glance!

"Jing Yuan."

"Who's that?"

"Lao gong."

The moment you see him relax, you take the opportunity to ask again but before you can he speaks first.

"Would you ever ask for a divorce?" he asks with his voice faltering a bit.

Childish. Stubborn. Immature. But it made Jing Yuan feel weird regardless. So, he continues.

"In the dream, you served me the papers."

"A dream..." you say, voice quieting as you ponder over his words. You could tell it bothered him enough that he sat on his feelings. The whole day.

"My dear," you call out to him, your voice as gentle as the breeze. You find your way to the other side of the table, carefully cupping his cheek to make him look at you. "I would never. I love you. We're doing so so good. Why should I?"

"And if you decide you want to follow Miss Lingsha's step in domesticating tuskpirs? Would you move back to the Zhuming?"

His questions earned a scoff from you. That's when you know he's back.

"If you keep on eating my tanghulu, I might just."

"You wouldn't dare."

[bamboobooshark]

yaaaayyy u write 4 him!!!! can we just have some silly Kurt headcanons? they don’t have to be any kind of relationship, i just want fun and whimsy :3

KURT WAGNER • 🌀

Miscellaneous Headcanons || 426 Words || P.G. Rating || Fandom: Marvel (X-Men)

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for requesting some Kurt! I’ve never written him, so I’m very thankful you gave me some mercy by letting me write you my headcanons. I’ll try to write some more for him in the future, this was so fun to make!

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CONTENT WARNINGS: None!

NAME CALLING

In my heart, Kurt is always calling everyone his friend, or “mein Freund.” He thinks everyone technically can be his friend as long as they don’t give him a reason to think otherwise. I’m telling you right now, he is a very social person if he feels comfortable with his surroundings. For example, if he goes to a resturant he goes to every week or so, he talks to the staff as if he’s a family friend. However, that has caused some rather awkward conversations and moments for the mutant. At one point, there was a government organization going undercover trying to collect his D.N.A for research, and Kurt ended up trying to befriend them. Thankfully he got out of that situation safely. He later pouted to a few of his fellow mutants about how he genuinely thought he’d end the day making some new friends but was met by enemies instead.

BATH TIME

I AM A LOUD AND PROUD FURRY KURT TRUTHER!!! And of course, being a very active furball due to being a hero, he’s gotta get a good bath every day so he doesn’t stink. Of course he does what almost everyone else does; wash his hody, shampoo, condition, and dry off with a towel. However, he has the guilty pleasure of drying off a little extra using a blow dryer. He loves the warmth, the way the wind pushes his fur to the side and the air can hit his skin directly, and how it makes his fur so soft and shiny. Bonus: If you’re dating Kurt, he will beg you to blow dry him after his showers and baths. He will return the favor however or with whatever you want, I promise.

NIGHT VISION

His hero name is Nightcrawler. His eyes glow in the dark. He can make shadows. There is NO way this guy doesn’t have night vision. Even though he can see in the dark, his pupils still get huge—akin to a cat’s in low light. Because of his night vision, he’s developed a habit of never turning on lights when he sneaks around at night. It’s a bit of a scare for the others in the mansion and/or his partner though when they come to the kitchen to get a snack and see two very thin, yellow rings in the dark. Kurt will just furrow his brows and question them without the awareness that it’s pitch black besides his eyes. “What? Is there something on my face?” “Kurt, I can’t tell. I can’t see anything.” “Oh. My bad, mein Freund!”

[angelpuns]

50Au Part 11

“FUCKING! I CAN’T BELIEVE- I'M GONNA KILL HIM WHEN WE GET OUT IF HERE!” Donnie growled, summoning some sort of definitely-too-big-for-the-lair-gun. 

Raph wasn't always the most cautious before, but even he knew that wasn't a good idea. 

“Dee, put that thing away! You're gonna blow the whole lair to smithereens!” He grabbed the back of Donnie's shell like he was a kitten, Donnie hissing and clawing in a much less cute way than a kitten would. 

“PUT ME DOWN RAPH I'M GONNA KILL THAT BLUE BASTARD!” 

“HEY!” 

Donnie stopped struggling so much when Raph raised his voice, which Raph tried not to think too hard about. It made a lump of guilty claw its way up his throat, but Raph cleared it away and put on his ‘ Big Brother Voice’. 

“ Look, I'm pissed at him too, but we can't go bustin' outta here willy-nilly and bust up the lair, ‘kay?” He gave Donnie a look, the softshell grimacing and reluctantly putting the gun away, “ You worked too damn hard sprucin’ this place up and makin’ it home again to just blast it to pieces. Now-”

He set Donnie back down and cracked his knuckles, “ watch your big brother do his thing”

Raph grabbed two of the bars and began to pull. He admittedly wasn't as strong as he used to be, but in his defense he'd been recovering from a lot of shit, so give him a break. 

Still, it shouldn't have been this much of a strain. Where the hell did Leo find this thing!?

“ Not to be a pessimist, Raph, but I don't think its working,” Mikey muttered, leaning over his shoulder to examine the bars, “where did he even get this? There's no way we had it lying around the lair, right?” 

Raph let out a grumble, “c’mon…Raph…Raph can bend ‘em easy,” 

He strained and pulled against the bars, but they were just a little too tough for him. 

There was a ker-chunk and a click and Raph thought maybe he had done it- until he turned and saw that Donnie had summoned some sort of saw tool. 

“ Close your eyes, gentleman. I didn't bring extra safety goggles,” Was the only warning they got before Donnie flicked his goggles down over his eyes and began cutting into the metal. 

It surprisingly worked. Raph looked down at his hands, scarred and rough from both injury and fighting. Damn. Maybe he really was gettin’ weaker. 

It took nearly an hour, but Donnie managed to cut a hole big enough for them to squeeze through. And thankfully none of them ended up getting scratched, cause that was a one way ticket to a tetanus shot. 

“ I was startin' to think that metal was too strong to break,” Raph admitted, chuckling a bit to try and tame the unease he felt. The lingering worry of him becoming weak was like a stone in his stomach, weighing the moment down despite it being s victory. 

“ Well, it was mystic,” Donnie started for the lab, Mikey following behind him and asking what the new, new plan was. Since they had technically had,like, four plans fail now. 

Raph breathed out a momentary sigh of relief. Mystic. Of course. So he wasn't becoming useless after all. 

He followed Donnie and Mikey unto the lab to hear the new, new plan, Donnie already rambling about a hundred miles a minute and cursing Leo out every few words. 

Raph, while he was definitely worried out of his mind, found that he too wanted to grab Leo and shake him til he understood what was going on. 

But of course, he wasn't gonna do that. He'd be happy just to see his face at this point. 

----

Wanted to write a fun silly part. Yes they have issues but also...whimsy.

I think this randomly writing and posting without editing and it being super super unofficial as an au is good for me probably. Let's me fuck around cause there's no stakes for me emotionally. Unless we start to like it too much then I'll probably take it too seriously like I end up doing for everything

Also the only part I have a solid idea for I can't even write yet cause I accidentally made too much lead up and I gotta finish out this first section smfh. I wanna write that part so bad but because this is so spontaneous/unplanned idk what's gonna happen between now and that plot point so :/

Part 1 | Part 10 | Part 11

[murderandjambalaya]

Stick figure hcs!!!

It’s been a while since I got on tumblr and I STILL haven't posted, like, anything about my hcs (except for old writing from before I switched accts & devices but SHUSH WE’RE NOT LOOKING AT THOSE), so here’s some stick-focused world building stuff (mostly the hollowheads)!

rambles. Very much rambles. Only some coherent rambles. This is your only warning.

WTF IS A GENDER

Most sticks are closer to drawings or computer programs than humans, and their perception of gender reflects this! A few sticks across the outernet might take on more traditionally human genders, but most sticks see gender and pronouns as a fluid extension of their personality and self-expression. How attached a stick is to their gender varies from each individual to the next. That being said, most stick figure “genders” are more like pronouns (or lack of them) + flavors. My flavor hcs for the sticks (or at least the ones I have a clear idea of) are: (EDIT - this was supposed to be gender flavors and it slowly flew away from that but it’s long enough that I don’t want to delete it. I am so sorry.)

Red- uses she/he, cat videos, brainrot, bright blue artificial dye, time-out corner, three yo-yos at once

Orange- uses xe/xem, Yippee, Power of Friendship, orange juice mixed with caffeine in a Monster Energy can, loaf of bread, Take On Me music video but make it cosmic horror

Yellow- uses she/they, raccoon covered in car grease holding a wrench, ridiculously thick goggles+gloves, tism, curious. A bit too curious. Why are you googling “how to get away with arson.”

Green- uses he/him, disaster bi, theater kid (only derogatory during the influencer arc), WHAT’S UP DEMONS, it’s ME, yaoiYA BOI, Siren by Kailee Morgue

Blue- uses all prns, witchcore, “my farmer gf- or as I like to call her, my crop top,” if their eyes open yk you’re fucked, LET HIM COOOKKKK, rhubarb & lemon, Willow from ToH, 🫵rehab

Ourple- uses he/they, moth, capitalism, product is dairy free (father has not returned with the milk yet), “hello, Zuko here,” you’re literally broke how do you have so many suits, anxiety, Cavetown, flower crowns, psychological warfare, “DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE A PLASTIC BAG*ugly sobbing*”, birb. Birb is love. Birb is life. grisp the birb.

Chosen- uses he/him (anything but ‘it’), Shadow the Hedgehog, Falling in Reverse, Transcendental Cha Cha by Tom Cardy but make it the seven stages of grief, Sobbing on the Ground, *pac man noises*, traumacore, Alan gave me depression bc he knew otherwise I would beat him in hand-to-hand combat at 14, eats pizza crust-first, coffee as dark and bitter as my soul, cornered stray dog, 🇺🇸F🇺🇸R🇺🇸E🇺🇸E🇺🇸D🇺🇸O🇺🇸M🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸🍔🍔🍔🍔🍟🍟🍔🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸

Dark- uses he/they (‘it’ when the mission code is in control), Murder, “spider-man, spider-man, does whatever a- OH NO NOT THE CHILDREN,” the crackling sound of a circuit board being broken in half and emitting sparks, ✨extra✨, shoplifting from Hot Topic on a Thursday, I’m Gonna Kill Santa Clause by Danny Gonzalez, masculine but like in a peacock way, knife pronounced “kuh-NIFF-eey”, chaos, the Sillies (aka bloodlust so strong I could commit a felony. Perhaps even multiple felonies.)

Vic- uses she/her (annoying local qpr always wearing the same gender), a woman politician???!!/pos, I’ve been near you for five whole minutes when are you going to murder me already, wet cat, tears, fluffy blankets, bones, space, I miss my wife, Tails. I miss her a lot.

MT- uses he/him, musty crusty Old Man, *eyebrows widen in surprise*, Flashbacks to The War, beefing with literal children, Dad Jokes, dust, depression

Agent- no time to Gender, never beating the loyal dog allegations, lost all whimsy in The Great Fire of 1941, “I just wanna be part of your SYMPHONYYYY,” ink, crunchy, fucked-up lil guy/w bg explosions for dramatic effect, IM SMITH SHADY YES IM THE REAL SHADY ALL YOU OTHER SMITH SHADIES ARE JUST IMITATING SO WONT THE REAL SMITH SHADY PLEASE STAND UP PLEASE STAND UP PLEASE STAND UP

Mitsi- uses she/her, Girlboss, actually the woman ever, paint, daffodils, ashes, earl grey tea, :3 “friend-shaped”

Gold- uses all prns, ash baby, space but it’s a liquid that will suck you into it, LET ME OUT, crayons, cotton, sunlight, glitter, sand, Minecraft end poem

Corndog guy- money, corndogs, repressed godhood, Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan

Did any of that make any sense? Admittedly, no. Am I saying that if you bit into Red, you would taste artificial blue dye and cat videos? Yes. Absolutely. For added fun, read these like Ao3 tags.

WTF ARE THE HOLLOWHEADS

In my hcs, the hollowheads are not siblings *coughcoughchodarkpropaganda*. However, Vic and Cho are practically twins. Why? A hollowhead’s physical appearance (since I usually draw them like Fleshy Human People) is mostly determined by their creator’s intentions when creating them. Alan can only see them in stick form, so their appearance being shaped by his intentions is kinda like how ppl have hcs of their ocs that are still a part of them even though they’re only in the creator’s head and haven’t been drawn yet. Vic and Cho are so similar bc they’re only in we’re both drawn as punching bags, even though Cho was a challenge and Vic was a training dummy. Sec didn’t actually have a comprehensible mortal form until xey found RGBY (just picture an Eldridge Horror exploring Alanspc when TSC was first introduced) bc Alan created xem without any intent to make xem alive or any idea of what xey’d be for who xey’d be, so TSC is Art. Literally. Xey embody art itself. That’s why xeir whole green glowy power is so effective, it’s not meant to be an offensive measure, but a large part of the outernet IS art, so xey have a very wide range of control (or xey would have, if it was what xe wanted when xe realized it. Xey find more purpose and joy in just existing with xeir friends. Xey connect and create. It’s xeir whole thing).

A hollowhead’s appearance is also heavily shaped by the attachments they make, most notably their secondary colors. Their second color reflects the deepest attachment they make. When a hollowhead is first created, before they make any attachments, their second color is clear. The hollowheads’ pupil/irises being different colors would also make them blind until they form an attachment (light passes through clear stuff instead of being absorbed by it), and by that logic, even while attached, most hollowheads are some form of colorblind. Vic has never not been blind while Dark is the only hollowhead with Rainbow Premium™️. Second’s secondary color is Green, Chosen’s is red, Dark’s is black, and Vic’s was white but faded mostly back to clear with hints of silver (after Misti’s death, Vic kinda self-isolated and got addicted to the VR memory tech). Attachments forming appearances is also the reason why Sec is the only one with a cursor ahoogie. Vic has a large, cursor-shaped scar on their back. It fades while Mitsi helps her heal, but starts growing again once she starts blaming the cursor for Mitsi’s death. Sometimes, during her really bad flashbacks, her old cursor scars will start to show up on her skin, even though she has a new body with no scars each time she’s drawn. Chosen still has all his cursor scars. They function like normal scars. During his terrorist years, Cho also gained a “halo” after seeing the one on the Angel of Death poster. With each attack, he’d gain a few small, jagged, triangular red arrows floating around his head. Dark thought they looked cool, but Chosen would sometimes feel like they were poking him. Cho would gain more arrows per attack as the destruction went on, having an overcrowded full-on halo by the time he stopped killing sticks. It hurts a lot, these days. Sometimes, when the sunlight hits it just right, the halo flashed purple. Although his other powers remained unaffected, Chosen’s fire started to burn a little redder after escaping the PC. After the Showdown, it sometimes burns his hands. Just a little, not so much that he can’t use it anymore. It just hurts when he does. The same thing happened with Dark’s fireballs. They got darker as time went on. Dark only has a few scars. The star-shaped one on his neck only gets deeper. When under the mission code’s influence, Dark’s secondary color reverts to clear and the whites of their eyes go black. With the virabands on, Dark’s pupil/irises turn red. During the Showdown, they had red pupils and black eyes. The virabands also project six small screens in front of their face which look like eyes with the same coloration. These projections act as a targeting system for the virabots, give quick stats on how many are functional, track the location of the other band if only one is being worn, and look really fucking cool (according to Dark).

OK THAT’S PROBABLY ENOUGH FOR ONE POST, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!

[discountdemonwarehouse]

Valentine's Day Special 2025 - Part 1

MDNI. This part isn't smutty, but the future ones are. Messing With the Missionary Man AU!

Part 1 - The Gifting Vinnie gifts the Papas Clone-A-Willy kits a few days before Valentine's. Thanks to @papasmicstand for the inspo behind this series :p Read on AO3

        It had started as a joke. A joke that may have involved too much liquor. Vinnie giggled quietly as she added four items to her online shopping basket, then four more products when the site prompted her to add suggested items to the cart. Terzo grumbled beside her, shifting and sliding his arm around her. "What are you doing, amore?" he mumbled, barely conscious. "Just reading something funny," she responded quietly. "Don't worry about it." He grunted in acknowledgment, his hand absently stroking her leg. "You should be sleeping…" his sentence slipped into a soft snore. "Soon," she patted his arm, fully aware he wouldn't hear her. Double checking the cart, she grinned and added a few other suggested items before going to the final check out page. "Options are always good," she murmured to herself. She put in her payment info and selected the fastest shipping method. There wasn't a lot of time before Valentine's Day and she was planning to surprise Terzo — and the other Papas.

        The large box was delivered to the Edinburgh apartment, and Vinnie had Chuck teleport her over to bring it in so she could get to work. Laying out the gift wrapping supplies she'd found, she cut open the large box, grinning like a maniac. Pulling out the brown packing paper, she couldn't help the joy she felt pulling out the four Clone-A-Willy kits, extra casting supplies, and the cock rings. Terzo was going to kill her — Secondo might as well, but the joke would be worth it. Chuck was snoring quietly on the sofa behind her, unaware or uncaring of the mischief his human was up to. Grabbing a stack of Post Its, Vinnie quickly scribbled four copies of "In case you need help keeping it up for the process — or after!" and taped them to the cock ring packages. Glow in the dark green for Secondo, neon purple for Terzo, glow in the dark blue for Copia, and for whimsy, glow in the dark pink for Primo. Vinnie was a tiny bit sad that the purple wasn't glow in the dark as well, but if Terzo complained she'd tell him to go fuck himself — with his own dick. This was as close as she could get to their obsessive colour coding with the website's offerings.

        She opened the black gift bags, tucking the items carefully inside before topping them with red tissue. Picking up the curling ribbon she'd bought, she mixed black and gold ribbon with each Papa's colour to indicate whose bag was whose. Smirking, she shoved them into a nondescript tote bag and roused Chuck. The demonic being snorted awake, giving her a half glare. "Sorry, buddy, time to go back. Let's put your sweater on and we'll go get a bacon butty before we leave though, okay?" The dog-like demon haphazardly rolled to his feet, shaking himself before stretching with a yawn. Vinnie helped him into the chunky dog sweater they used to disguise him in the regular world, and got her own gear on. Making a mental note to bring back a number of items so she'd have jackets and shoes in future, she headed down to the street, followed by Chuck. Finding the favoured chippy a few blocks down from the flat, she greeted the owner, ordering several bacon butties. "All for you?" he asked jovially, as he often did. "Only about half," she responded with a smile. "The rest are for Chuck." The owner greeted Chuck fondly, tossing him a piece of bacon. "Our favourite customer!" Vinnie laughed, and nodded, paying for her order. "You know, some days he brings us things. The oddest one though… I was trying to find a part for one of the appliances and he just… showed up with it." "Chuck is definitely, erm, special." She gave a nervous smile and a shrug.

        Omega greeted her in the papal apartment upon her return, eyes bright. "Bacon butties?!" he asked excitedly. "Yes, bacon butties," she responded, happily handing him four. "Is Terzo here or his office?" "He was in his office, but as soon as I realized you were bringing bacon butties, I came here. He might be on his way?" The ghoul grinned sheepishly. "I'm not sure I like how in tune you're becoming with me," Vinnie muttered. "Gonna make it harder to do things…" "Aww, c'mon, princess, it just means we're getting closer!" he teased with a smirk. "Who knows what it could lead to." "Calm down, lover boy." The apartment door opened and Terzo hurried in. "Did he eat them all? Or did Chuck get them?!" Vinnie held up two of the wrapped bacon butties, accepting her kiss on the cheek as Terzo took them and hurried to sit down. "What's in the bag?" he eventually asked between mouthfuls of food. "Oh, just a little something for you and your brothers. A little Valentine's Day gift." "Is that all you're going to tell me?" Vinnie nodded, taking a bite of her own bacon butty. "You can wait until I hand them out at the next family supper. It's only a few days away." Terzo pouted a little, and Vinnie shook her head with a playful sigh. "I should have left them in Edi, shouldn't I?"

        The family supper went as per usual — the brothers arguing about cooking, wine, anything under the sun. Gabe and Vinnie looked at things on their phones, and Val sat beside Copia reading a book. Finally, everyone had settled with their after-dinner drink of choice, and Vinnie pounced on the perfect opportunity. "I have something for everyone," she announced, pulling her tote bag from beside the sofa. Curious murmurings reached her ears and she quickly handed Primo, Secondo, Terzo and Copia their gift bags. Gabe's eyes widened. "You didn't…" "I did." She confirmed triumphantly. Gabe turned bright pink, and wouldn't meet Secondo's gaze or answer his questioning about what was going on. "Go ahead, open them," Vinnie invited. Copia was first to get the gift bag open, eyes nearly bugging out of his head when he saw the box inside. He stammered as he fumbled the items, cheeks darkening. Val leaned over to look, and Copia squashed the bag against his chest, muttering something like, "Don't worry about it." "What, did she gift you a sex toy?" Val demanded, half in jest. "Something like that…" Copia mumbled, still hiding the bag's contents.

        Secondo was next to open his gift bag, scoffing when he saw the contents. "Really?" he asked coldly. "Gabe liked the idea," she shrugged. Secondo gave Vinnie a very serious amount of side eye then looked at his partner. "You want this, eh?" Gabe's pink blush turned beet red, and he looked away from Secondo, uttering, "Maybe." Secondo smirked, pulling the box out of the bag to show off the Clone-A-Willy kit. "What are the other things in here?" "Well, if you don't want it to vibrate, you need extra silicone to fill it, so there's that. Also extra mold making stuff in case you mess it up." "And this?" Secondo asked as he held up the cockring. "Well, most of you are old men, figured you might need some help." Terzo let out a strangled sound from beside her, and she gave him a cool look. "What?" "You know exactly what, uccellina." "Yeah, yeah, you and Satan's boner pact. I don't know if your brothers have that." Terzo scowled at her, setting his bag down without opening it. "I'm not sure I want you this interested in my brother's cocks or sex lives." Vinnie rolled her eyes. "I'm not interested, Terzo; these are gag gifts."

        A quiet chuckle drifted from the other side of the seating area, and Primo sat with the box in hand, reading it. "Glow in the dark, hm? And pink?" He grinned. "It was the closet to red they had." "What am I supposed to do with this, fiordaliso?" Primo asked with amusement. "Make a copy of your dick," Vinnie stated bluntly. "You can decorate your office, or gift it to someone, or buy a strap if you're having some… performance… issues… Or gift the kit to someone else." She shrugged. Terzo sat beside her with a long suffering look. "You could put a copy of your dick in the archives," she offered helpfully. Terzo swore beside her. "Vinnie! Even releasing the Phallos Mortuus we didn't make a copy of Secondo's dick!" "Aw, are you jealous or worried that people might like their dicks more than yours?" "No!" Primo let out another entertained chuckle. "Many options. Thank you, Vinnie. If nothing else, the laugh does one good." Terzo rubbed the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. "We should leave." "Aw, c'mon, Terzo. Where's your sense of whimsy? You don't want a copy of your dick in the archives forever?" "That is definitely not where I currently want my dick." He stood, grabbing the gift bag, before grabbing her arm. "We'll see you later!" "Ooh, kinky!" Vinnie laughed, letting Terzo pull her towards the door.

Thanks for reading! I'll try to remember to come back and hyperlink these later when they're posted.

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

[unknown-carnage]

Been awhile since I've done some sketches got a little busy qq. Some more phantom troupe sketches however this time a lil au that's been cooking in my noggin. (I'm a lil shy about au's bear with me)

Enough waffle, blood warning sketches under the cut. I'll explain as I go 🗣️💯

(yeah it's a Shal revival au 💀)

General idea is that Chrollo steals Zakuro's Nen ability (Bloody Mary / blood manipulation) and through some extra Nen abilities and allat whimsy revival happens 😁

(so yeah new form made from blood and inspo'd from Shal's phone)

Just some beta designs / alt forms whatever you'd like to call them as qq.

And dw there is a human form 🗣️👏👏 (gave him back long hair cause>>>>>>>)

Also in regards to Shal's spider tattoo (and technically through the au it's not his og body but a body made to look like it) his tattoo isn't actually inked but rather made from blood pooling under the skin (blood manipulation 😁)

Thx for coming to my ted talk, if y'all are interested I will make more 🗣️💯

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Jade, Riddle: Days that we Treasure

Why do they use the most Obviously Evil and Unsettling images ever 😭 Who looks at the Mega Ursula painting and goes, “Ah, yes. This is a perfectly sane and totally good person”??????? Or that unsettling image of the Evil Queen??? They did NOT get their best angles…

THE TWINS ArE NOT BEATING BACK THE LEECH CRIME FAMILY ALLEGATIONS ANYTIME SOON... Jade says his dad taught him and Floyd skills like how to break free of ropes and how to pick locks... 💀 and then Jade talks about how he beat up some sharks and made them bleed--

It's really cute to hear about how Jade collected baubles just like Ariel did 🥺 even gifting some coins to Azul!! Him chucking everything once he lost interest broke my heart though... (Some clarification: Jade indicates that he used to like manholes; this is a unique cultural aspect of Japan, as manhole covers tend to have fun designs there. He was probably referring to those, not just plain manhole covers.)

A Tale as Old as Time.

"Oya, what a charming portrait of a crustacean."

Jade spoke of a painting of a crab, lips pursed as if midsong, a flurry of bubbles and sea life swirling around it. Light shone down from the surface world, as if spotlighting a lone performer on an otherwise dark stage. Such fun! Such whimsy! Such…

… easy game, Jade thought. His polite smile tugged into what was decidedly a far less polite smirk.

He had honed a discerning eye, parsing people as easily as one might parse papers. One look was all that was needed for him to tell: the crab would easily be suckered into signing a contract. Gullible, cheery fools like him always were.

His grin grew. Fingers curled against his chin, almost resembling a folded paw which concealed claws.

“I don’t like that look of yours,” Riddle declared. His resolute tone resounded in the darkened museum as he fell beside the eel. “It looks extremely suspicious!”

“Riddle-san. How good of you to join me.” With a hand shifting to be placed over his head, Jade gave him a curt bow. "I apologize if you were disarmed by my expression. You see, I have a tendency to smile awkwardly out of nervousness."

Riddle made a face and shook his head. “I’m not sure if I entirely believe that.”

"Who can you trust, if not your dear classmates?"

Riddle gave no response, only meeting him with an exasperated look. Jade’s chuckles were loud in the cavernous quiet of the museum.

He gestured to the platinum frame containing the singing crustacean. “Are you familiar with this gentlecrab?"

"I have learned a bit of the history of merpeople," Riddle declared proudly, puffing his chest out like a swaggering peacock. "He is the Sea King's favored composer. From what I understand, music is highly regarded in your culture—and it is for that reason that this composer was able to earn such an important position in the king’s court. He was not only wise, but also wove stunning melodies which captured the hearts of all sea creatures. Truly an ideal candidate to stand by the king’s side.”

“That’s right. My, you certainly put in the extra effort to your studies. As expected of Riddle-san.”

Jade brought a hand to his mouth. “Ah, but there are many stories of him that the land textbooks do not tell. For example, did you know that this great composer was also a friend and confidant to the Mermaid Princess?”

“The Mermaid Princess… Surely you don’t mean the Mermaid Princess that bridged the humans and merpeople?”

“The very same.” Jade gave a light laugh. “They say she was spirited and defiant, with a deep fondness for humans, in spite of her father’s protests. The great composer discovered her hidden grotto, which was full of gadgets and gizmos aplenty, items the Mermaid Princess had scavenged from shipwrecks—and his loyalty was put to the test.”

Jade held out both hands, lifting one while lowering the other, then swapping sides. He simulated a scale and changing weights.

“The Sea King, who detested humans, and the Mermaid Princess, who loved them. Which of the two would the composer follow?”

“What a ridiculous question!” Riddle frowned, sweeping out an arm—as if to collapse a house of cards. “Of course the Sea King is the most correct. He has the most authority in the circumstances, and furthermore, the composer is in service to the king. It is clear that it is the composer should side with the Sea King.”

Jade's eyes glinted like coins shifting in the darkness. "In the end, he chose to support the Mermaid Princess."

"What?!" Riddle recoiled in visible shock. "That's preposterous! On what grounds....!"

“He must have valued the Mermaid Princess’s friendship with all of his heart,” Jade replied teasingly, “or rather, it was because he understood her sorrow and desire.”

“A man of his skill and stature, understanding her feelings and breaking the rules on her behalf…? I can’t picture it myself.”

"Perhaps it is difficult to understand without full context." Jade's brows turned upward, almost passing for sympathetic. "... There was a dark era of the Sea King's rule when music of any kind was expressly forbidden. However, the great composer—in an act of rebellion—played to his heart's content in secret. The Mermaid Princess came upon his secret and learned of the joys of song and dance from him. She understood that, to the composer, music was his most prized possession. His treasure. He could not bear to be without it, just as a fish cannot be without water."

Riddle's face creased. "I see, so the Mermaid Princess and this composer... They understood one another's circumstances. Both of them knew the pain of longing for something forbidden."

"Yes. To them, it was worth disregarding the law to attain that which they loved the most." Jade's suspiciously pleasant smile returned. "I believe that is incredibly courageous and admirable of them."

"That is hardly surprising, seeing as you and your brother constantly skirt school rules!" Riddle grumbled under his breath. "And no matter the reason for it or the results achieved, you are all still guilty of your crimes!!"

"Such harsh accusations." Jade's lips peeled, revealing the many tiny, razor-sharp teeth he so often hid from public view. "Most graciously, the story I was telling you has a happy ending. Th Sea King pardoned them both for their transgressions. As they say, all's well that ends well."

"Rule-breakers walking away without so much as a light sentence... That's considered a happy ending for you?!" Riddle's snarl filled the room, rattling the portraits that lined the walls, the priceless artifacts out on display. He was redder than the crab composer himself.

"Oya, Riddle-san. What a loud voice—you may just disturb the other museum goers.” Jade tossed a glance at the room adjacent to theirs. Their peers milled about, clamoring for glimpses of pieces of art, scraps of history, and shards of greatness.

The dorm leader hastily cleared his throat. “Apologies... I lost control of my temper for but a moment.”

“There is no need for an apology. I’m certain the merciful Sea King would have granted you clemency as well.”

“D-Do not tease me!!” Riddle’s face inflamed once more, earning a stifled snort from his classmate. “S-Stop laughing!! It’s NOT funny!!”

His protests were of no use. Jade’s snort swelled into barely concealed chuckling, and then finally burst into a monstrous grin. It didn’t quite match with the soft laugh that bubbled up from his throat.

The surface world had introduced to him a plethora of new wonders. Mushrooms, mountains, and what else…? The very people of the land.

I will never tired of these peaceful, fun-filled days.

They were his invaluable treasures, things well-worth fighting for.

[dirtbra1n]

Seigi Sunday the third—sunday in our Hearts ❤️

read the first and second here and here!

(one day late is nothing to me by now and time is what you make it. let’s all pretend together Take my hand,)

hi! merry christmas! decided on a whim I’d speedrun this one and by god am I going to try really really hard. (I fell asleep.) just how these things go. (noooo kidding) having read over the first two again I’m making the executive decision this holiday to use the more legible black-on-white reading mode. if it wasn’t apparent by my punctuality or lack thereof These are shaped in full by whim. and whimsy!

speaking of whimsy, how is seigi doing this lovely christmas evening and also perfectly average saturday morning :) ?

he’s doing just OK! 👍

more seigi under the cut

"Good morning. Is something the matter? You don't look well." "I went out drinking with my exam prep class yesterday..." "Did you shower when you got back?" "…I just fell asleep immediately." "I see." Richard stood up, took his wallet from his pocket, and handed me a 1,000 yen note. "There's a public shower, laundromat, and convenience store in front of Shimbashi Station. You have fifty minutes to take a shower, launder your clothing, and chew some mint gum."

It gave rank a whole new meaning. I mingled with the businessmen and homeless people as I shoved my head under the shower. I pulled my clothes out of the dryer and pulled them on, bought some gum at the convenience store, chewed it and spit it out into some paper before returning to the shop where I was surprised to find a customer.

seigi…… I . kinda can’t look at you right now CHANGE CLOTHES AT LEAST!!!!!!! AT LEAST CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES!!!!! YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE GOTTEN RUN OVER BY A CAR!!!!!!!!! SMELLY!!!!!!!!!

It was a man. "Wow, late to work, are we? If this were my store, you'd be chewed out." I threw a "hey" at the man who snarkily greeted me. He was wearing a wrinkled black suit with a wine-red collared shirt underneath. Richard, who was sitting across from him, checked his watch. It'd only been 48 minutes. I was safe, right? I was still safe, I made the baseball hand signal at him, and Richard asked me to make some tea. His tone sounded civil. I guess that meant I did make it. "Wow, no response? Where's the 'with pleasure!'?" "I know I've mentioned this before, but this is a jewelry shop." "Sorry, old habits." Speak of the devil. A real host actually had showed up at the shop. I brought out some royal milk tea with extra ice, and the customer said "thanks" with a wink. His hair faded from blond to brown, his lightly tanned skin looked a bit neglected, and he had a loud voice. He was probably in his late twenties. He introduced himself as Satoshi Takatsuki. It seemed a little plain for a working name, so maybe it was his real one. "So, I'm lookin' for a stone that'll make for a nice conversation piece with my clients. Girls love pretty things, right? Ideally something convenient to carry around. You know, I heard about this shop. You're pretty cheap, right?" "I have done favors for various customers of mine, yes." "Man, you sure talk like a real Japanese dude! Does one of your parents have some Japanese blood in 'em?" "Neither does, actually." "I bet you've got a hundred percent success rate with the ladies, don'tcha? Are you sure you're not in the wrong line of work?" "Sir, what would you like with your tea? We have both sweet and salty options." "I've got a sweet tooth. You charge extra for this?" "No, is basic hospitality..." "That's Ginza for ya! No one's gonna nickel-and-dime you here."

Wait. Then when was I going to tell her that I wanted to go out with her? I would chat with Tanimoto over text from time to time. Mostly about rocks. Well, pretty much only about rocks. She'd send me photos of specimens she was fond of or particularly unusual rock formations. Like the cliffs in Inubousaki with big round holes carved into them or large grey rocks lined up on the shore of Ireland. I'd never know about all these places all over the world if I hadn't met her.

you can put this in the comparison column for later. you’ll see

When Tanimoto got completely absorbed in the world of stones, she was less cute and more... passionate and dashing. And always replied to me really fast. But I would feel a little depressed when our conversations ended. At the end of our longer exchanges, she'd always add, "Let me see your sports car sometime." It was gradually turning into her regular sign-off. Even if it was just a mistake, the enthusiasm on display in my "got it!" made it difficult to correct, and I would always respond "eventually" like an idiot.

dingus.

I was profoundly jealous of our current customer, who wasn't at the mercy of love but could enjoy romance as a commercial endeavor. Mr. Takatsuki smiled at me. "What's wrong, kid? Love troubles?" "Wha—are you psychic or something?" "Men only look at hosts with one of two things in their eyes: disgust or jealousy. And men who are in love tend to fall into the latter camp. It only makes sense." "Well, this is embarrassing. You hosts really are incredible." "That kind of honesty is a talent, too. I think you'd make an excellent host."

INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS THING TO ENCOURAGE HIM ON. really really right though. super endearing quality of his. my stupid best friend in the entire world seigi who is so so honest. and stupid

"Apologies for the wait." Richard set a black velvet box on the table. It was about the size of a large chocolate box, and I'd taken to calling it the box of wonders. It was just like a regular jewelry box, with the top connected to the base by a hinge. It looked kind of like an alligator when the lid was open. Mr. Takatsuki's eyes went wide when the lid slowly opened. Pretty much everyone who came into the shop had the same reaction. Gems were laid out in four rows on black cushions. They weren't part of any jewelry—just plain stones. Red, green, purple, pink, every color you could imagine. These multicolored gems were like a preemptive strike. Mr. Takatsuki smiled for a moment before letting out a deep sigh. "I'm kinda speechless! There must be a ton of people who'd kill for an opportunity to see stones like this just once in their lives. I'm absolutely tellin' my guys about this." "That would be most appreciated."

"You really have a head for business," Mr. Takatsuki said with a smile, leaning over the box. "Every gem conceals a rich story of its own, so regardless of which you choose, you won't find yourself wanting for conversation." "A rich story, huh? Honestly, to me they're all just red stones, yellow stones, or purple stones. "My customers who find all their options equally attractive tend to have a rather broad and clear aesthetic sense. Please, try picking them up and taking a closer look." “...I really think you're in the wrong line of work." Richard's cool and collected expression didn't falter at all. Which just made me get annoyed on his behalf. Where did this guy get off, coming into someone's place of business and telling them "you're in the wrong line of work"? Mr. Takatsuki shrugged and reached for a random stone, like the option had just occurred to him. "What's this red one? It's not a ruby, is it?" "That would be a garnet. You have excellent taste, Mr. Takatsuki." "Nah, I just saw rubies at another shop. Ruby red is a lot brighter. What's this green one?" "This may come as a surprise, but that is also garnet." "They're the same thing?" Mr. Takatsuki asked, pointing at the two stones. Richard nodded. "Red garnets were extremely popular in 19th century Europe, which is why their Japanese name, zakuroishi or pomegranate stone, references the color red. However, garnets are not exclusively red in color. This green stone, demantoid garnet, is from Russia. The blue garnet you may be familiar with from a story featuring a certain famous detective, however, is pure fiction. Garnets come in nearly every color with the exception of blue." “...Um, I didn't catch the name." "Of the green stone? Demantoid garnet." "No, yours, Mr. Shopkeep." There was a brief pause, but Richard's courteous smile remained untarnished. "My apologies. My name is Richard Ranasinghe de Vulpian. Garnet happens to be the birthstone for January—do you have any interest in garnet, Mr. Takatsuki?" "Let me be real with you, Richard. Have you ever considered a change of career?" "Excuse me, sir, would you care for a dessert? We have soft adzuki jelly if you're interested." "Oh, come on kid, read the room. I'm trying to scout your boss here." And that's why I'm trying to help him out, I frowned very pointedly so only Richard would see. My boss, whose calm smile never faltered, closed his eyes and bowed. "Mr. Takatsuki, you have your calling just as I have mine." "The night life is so brilliant though. If you like gemstones, I'm sure you'll take a shine to it. Roppongi's rough these days. All an average-looking foreign host has to do is speak a little Japanese, and he's raking in millions a night." "The brilliance of a human life lasts but a hundred years, but this garnet right here was born from the Earth a hundred million years ago. Gems have long lifetimes, yet they generously accompany us for the duration of ours." "Now that's what I'm talking about! That's the kind of host I want in my establishment!" Mr. Takatsuki looked at me again. I knew what he was trying to say, but at the rate things were going, all of Richard's efforts to make a sale were going to be in vain. I flashed him a slightly displeased face, and Mr. Takatsuki smiled a glorious smile at Richard. It made him look young, but this was his manager side, not his host side, I supposed.

okay. Yeah sure. alright. you’re a sick sick man. but Whateve No actually Can we talk about this

“...That would be an amethyst. Crystalline quartz." "Amethyst! Even I know what that one is! It sure is pretty." "Please feel free to pick it up and take a closer look." Mr. Takatsuki said, "Don't mind if I do," and picked up the amethyst with his fingertips. It was about as big as my pinky nail—probably double the size of my pink sapphire. Richard mentioned that you could view the stone from more angles if you set it between two fingers on top of your hand. He demonstrated, setting the stone in between his pointer and middle fingers before placing it on Mr. Takatsuki's hand in the same fashion. Mr. Takatsuki finally smiled. "You sure have beautiful fingers. Is there some kind of story behind amethysts?" "Excellent question. Humans' relationship with amethysts goes back a very long time. If we reach back beyond the realm of written history, we find amethysts in grave goods at prehistoric sites, and we have records of the nobility in ancient Egypt using them as stamps on documents. It's not nearly as hard a stone as diamond, ruby, or sapphire, so they found more uses in day-to-day life. It's the birthstone for February and is said to help cultivate an open heart, love, and intuition." "Where do you learn all that stuff? Is there a school or something?" "I learn every day. In the course of my work, I have many opportunities to acquire new information, and I count among my customers some specialists who are far more knowledgeable than I." "Your world sure is fascinating. Just makes me want to hire you as a host even more. So, is it expensive?" The moment Richard said the price was 5,000 yen, both Mr. Takatsuki and I made a weird face. "Huh? Are you sure that's not off by a zero?" "The price is neither 500 yen, nor 50,000 yen. The prices of all goods and services, not limited to gemstones, are determined by the balance of supply and demand. And as the supply of amethysts is most steady and abundant, it is possible to acquire rather high-quality stones for a relatively low price. This particular stone came from Brazil, the world's foremost producer of amethyst, though they were commonly produced in Japan just a few decades ago—stones from Yamanashi are quite famous." Mr. Takatsuki looked vaguely frustrated, saying that prefecture is known for its grapes. Richard smiled. "Is it not a remarkable twist of fate that beautiful gem-like fruits are grown on the same land beautiful gemstones were mined from?" "Don't you play favorites! Yamanashi's not the only place that makes good grapes. I mean, they're good, but... this is getting off topic. Please tell me more about the stone." Richard bowed and began speaking eloquently again, almost like a talking doll. The scientific name for the stone was quartz. I supposed it was kind of like how ruby and sapphire are both corundum. There were all sorts of varieties of the mineral—citrine, smoky quartz, rose quartz, and so on—but they were all chemically almost identical and were all about the same hardness. A lot of mineral enthusiasts collected it. Excessive exposure to sunlight could cause the color to fade, so care had to be taken when storing them. In Europe in the Middle Ages, amethysts were prized by high-ranking members of the Christian clergy and treasured as spiritual artifacts. In the realm of fortune-telling, they were used as pendulums for dousing. And so on and so forth. Richard talked about stones seemingly forever. If you told him to talk, he could probably go on for an entire day. If you closed your eyes and listened, you'd never know it wasn't a Japanese person talking. His voice was neither too high, nor too low, and it had a mysterious warmth to it—like someone holding you tight. If I were Mr. Takatsuki, I'd ask him to stop, or apologize and leave. Me though, I could never do it. It'd be like being in the same cage as a ferocious beast and trying to force it to do tricks. Terrifying.

you’re sick. You are so sick

While I was refreshing their tea, I stole a glance at Mr. Takatsuki's expression, thinking it was getting about time for him to get going. But he was utterly bewitched by Richard—he wouldn't even look at me. His enthusiasm was tremendous. "Your tank empty yet? Or can you keep going?" "Hm, Mr. Takatsuki, you wouldn't happen to know the origin of the name 'amethyst,' would you?" "I wish I could respond to that with an, ‘of course I do,’ but I'm not so lucky this time. What language is it? English?" "Greek, actually. 'Amethystos,' meaning 'to not become intoxicated by alcohol.'" It felt like the atmosphere in the shop suddenly changed in that instant. Mr. Takatsuki's expression grew a bit more serious. Richard seemed to notice. "Oh, so it's a gemstone that prevents drunkenness? Like a healing crystal?" "It's an old legend. This stone has a beautiful purple color, so perhaps that's why it became associated with wine. It is said that Bacchus, the god of wine, offers his divine protection to owners of this stone." "'To not become intoxicated,' 'to not become intoxicated,’ huh? ...Yeah, I like it." He sounded unnatural and listless as he added excuse upon excuse. I was sure he was going to buy it. He went down the line, looking at the other stones, but ultimately settled on the amethyst, just like I expected. "Do you just sell it like that? Or can I have it set?" "You mean this amethyst? I can have it set in a piece of your choosing—a ring, a tiepin, bracelet, or whatever else you might like. Of course, the cost and timeframe will vary, depending on exactly what you choose. I can have a designer sketch something up for you as well." "Yeah, I don't need anything that fancy. You've gotta have like a catalog I can pick from or something. That's good enough for me. Probably shouldn't go for a tiepin, it'd be hard to tell if I dropped it or something. What would be fastest? A necklace would be fine, too." "If you aren't set on this particular stone, I do have finished amethyst accessories in stock." "I like your gumption. Lemme see what you've got then." It was only another fifteen minutes after Richard went into the back room to replace the contents of the box of wonders that Mr. Takatsuki left the shop. Richard had three amethyst pendants to choose from, and Mr. Takatsuki selected the largest one. The stone was at least the size of my thumbnail and cut into a square with rounded corners. Its edges were wrapped in gold. It was a pure purple, like a morning glory, and the back was rounded off so as to not scratch the wearer's skin when worn. The chain was the same gold as the wrapping around the stone. It was rather delicate, as it had been designed as a piece for a woman, but when Mr. Takatsuki put it on, you could just about smell the aroma of nightlife wafting off it. The price: 15,000 yen. "It's almost like a toy," Mr. Takatsuki said with a smile. He left the shop in high spirits, oblong jewelry box with amethyst pendant inside in hand. He couldn't resist asking Richard to think his offer over before he left though. "...Think he was drunk?" "I'm quite sure he was sober. That was all an act." "Do you think he'll return it later?" "He won't. He appeared to be satisfied with his purchase."

I knew about the camera at the entrance, but I guessed there were cameras in the shop proper, too. But there were only valuables in the store when Richard was here, so the real concern was less burglars and more customers with ill intent.

I've always had exceedingly average looks, so I've never felt especially flattered by compliments on my appearance or particularly upset by insults to it, either. That said, I didn't think there were all that many men who were routinely scrutinized for their appearance, unless they're on Richard's level. The place my mother worked at before her current job at the hospital had a serious sexual harassment problem, and she'd often complain over a beer that she wasn't dressing herself for their sake. Richard had the same feeling about him now. Beauty wasn't something people engaged with to please strangers. People were welcome to appreciate what they would, but they should know it didn't give them the right to treat people however they wanted. "Um, so… I swear I don't mean anything weird by this, like, seriously, I don't mean it like you might think, but—" "Don't you think that excessively long and circuitous preambles are rather rude, too?" "I just wondered if you feel like people telling you you're handsome and beautiful is kinda... insulting. Sorry," I added, and Richard made a strange face. After a moment, he smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. There was something eerily childlike about his expression. "Do you think telling someone with blond hair that they have blond hair is some kind of insult?"

let’s circle back to the narcissism thing from last chapter actually

"You know, I really don't love it when you act so full of yourself! Agh, I put my foot in my mouth said ‘love’ again!" "Just stop talking for a moment. I know what you meant. Do not worry about it," Richard repeated emphatically. He returned the products to the safe and took a sip of the fresh milk tea I'd made when he came back. I never thought of myself as someone who would perpetrate sexual harassment, but I might've been a lot more insensitive than I realized. At this rate, I just knew I'm going to say something stupid to Tanimoto and ruin everything. I've gotta be better. Richard sat alone in the lounge, eating the leftover adzuki jelly. It tasted just like red bean paste, but it was clear and there were goldfish—both common and fancy ones—swimming in the sweet, delicate substance. A little while ago, I asked him if he thought Japanese confections paired well with milk tea, and he glared at me, saying I was belittling royal milk tea. It was starting to seem more like a religious belief than mere opinion. Richard called my name, as though he noticed I'd been staring at him. He was still looking at the dessert as he spoke. "What? If you tell me not to look at you, I won't."

"The only relationship between you and I is that of employer and employee. Praising my appearance won't make me any more inclined to raise your wages, and I'm sure you're aware of that. Praise with ulterior motives is just sycophantic bootlicking. That said, earnest, spontaneous words of praise are an exclamation of sorts, nothing more and nothing less. The natural beauty of gemstones—even of those with little financial value—can soothe the hearts of people and grant them strength to keep going. I believe that is the true value of beauty." "I think I get what you're saying. That's kind of how I feel whenever I look at you." "Then perhaps it would be fair to say that your ‘you're beautiful’ comments are essentially the equivalent of ‘I'm in a good mood because the weather is so lovely today.’ They do not bother me." "Thank you. Well, if I do say something like that again by accident, I would really appreciate it if you just brushed it off." I forced a smile, and Richard frowned. What did I do this time? "...While it may not bother me, surely you have invited your fair share of unfortunate misunderstandings by making rash comments without much thought?"

maybe I shouldn’t have said that ALL-TIMER

I began wiping down the table, and Richard returned with a sullen look on his face. He looked a little red, even.

me when I lie This is my favorite bit ever by the way. richard you are so so so sick. and you brought this on yourself :)

Refusing to look me in the eye, my boss sat back down in one of the lounge chairs by the window and clasped his hands. He looked like something was bothering him, and it didn't seem like a sudden stomachache. The whole thing was very unusual. Richard silently stared out the window for a bit before abruptly mumbling, “...I wonder if he really deserved to own that amethyst." "What?" What was he going on about? Didn't he land the sale he was working on that whole time? Richard hung his head, burying it in his clasped hands. "I believe that every stone deserves to end up in the hands of someone who understands its true beauty and will treasure it—such would be a happy ending for both parties. But it makes me wonder... How should I put this... Yes, perhaps I, too, have acted rashly." "You mean you wish you hadn't sold it to him?" "Rather that I wonder if selling it to him was the right decision." There's a difference? Richard was being weird. I'd never seen him question a sale like that before. I know he said he was used to it, but after the way that customer treated him, maybe it put him in a bad mood. No, he didn't really seem irritated. The beautiful jewelry store owner had a weary expression on his face, like he was worried it might rain tomorrow. "Well, he bought it because he wanted it. Gemstones are products, after all. And if he paid the price you set, he must have felt that amethyst was worth at least that much. I don't see the issue." "I don't think that's the whole story. I think the thing he was most taken with wasn't the stone at all." "...But you?" My boss scowled at me, silently ordering me to be quiet. If I was wrong, I wondered what he was getting at? His seemingly endless well of sales talk? Or the relaxing atmosphere of the shop itself? Richard seemed deeply distressed by the whole thing, but nothing was making sense to me. Mr. Takatsuki didn't seem like the kind of person who particularly needed our concern. He liked his job, and sure, he was a little overbearing at times, but he seemed like a fun guy. He definitely came off as a bit impulsive, but there were tons of guys like that at my school, who ran on nothing but vibes and passion.

go figure that seigi’s already coming around on him. the world's sweetest person competition hates to see him coming

"I don't really think you have anything to worry about, but... I think every person who buys gems has their own reasons for doing it and their own reasons for liking them. It probably just put him in a good mood when he put that beautiful stone on, and he'll get over not being able to hire you." "There's only so much a good mood can do. Working in that sort of industry is rough, no matter what country you're in. I don't believe he really meant what he said. The disparity between his words and his actions suggests some kind of cognitive dissonance." "You're reading too much into it. I don't think he was thinking that deeply about anything he said. I thought you said you were used to people making passes at you? Don't worry about it so much." "That's not what I mean. Those who grow intoxicated with beauty far beyond their means are destined to fall to ruin." "Intoxicated with beauty" and "destined to fall to ruin" would probably rank pretty high up there if there were a "phrases I'd love to say some day" ranking. What is he even talking about?

SEIGI YOU ARE SOOOO LAME……. why does this exchange read so shakespearean to me also

I looked at Richard bashfully and explained that I had a crush on this girl and she was my friend at school who loved rocks and was super cute. I explained that, long story short, someone told her that they'd seen me in the Jaguar. The porcelain-faced beauty stared at me as he jabbed his fork into the remaining goldfish jelly, slicing the decorative fish clear in half. Please, I'm begging you, just get it over with. "So, uh, I was wondering... I have my driver's license. I drive my mom's car all the time, and I've never been in an accident or pulled over." "That's an impressive record for someone who seems like he'd be constantly distracted behind the wheel. Fascinating story."

SOOOOO ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!

"Don't assume the worst about me! I believe in safety first. I'm especially careful to check for children or elderly pedestrians, I yield to vehicles behind me, and I'll even drive below the speed limit just in case something happens. I don't get mad or panic if I hear someone honk at me from behind, either." I'd be in trouble if someone asked me to floor it, but I was confident in my safe driving skills. I was such a safe driver that when I drove my mom to work when she had a cold, she praised me saying, "I think you drove almost too safe." For some reason, she didn't let me drive very much after that, though. Richard smiled sweetly. He was like a jewel sitting in direct sunlight. I got my hopes up for a positive response. "They're about five million used, from what I understand." "What?" "Jaguars. I hope the drive is worth it." Um, that's not what I meant. I was hoping you'd understand that I was asking to borrow yours—is what I nearly said before I gave up. Richard skewered both pieces of the jelly with his fork and ate them in one bite. How brutal. This was bad. He had a terrifying aura about him. He had this look in his eyes like if I opened my mouth now, he'd say he'd kill me. Richard probably hated talking about personal stuff during work. I guess I should have known after how he reacted to me showing up hungover. "My mind is exhausted from speaking so much of my non-native language. Tea." "Yessir, I'll be right back." "But first, where's my change?" "...It was only 40 yen." "Change."

wrote here ENFADOSO!!!!! you are an ANNOYING MAN!!!!!!!! and it's . sooo fucking funny. bitch4bitch I can't take you two ANYWHERE

I guess no matter how casual the workplace, bosses are still bosses and employees are still employees. I mean, this wasn't a host club, and I'd never been chewed out by my boss, but I supposed expecting him to be so lenient that I could get away with not following instructions was out of the question. I had to get my act together.

- things to say when you will not be getting your act together

The following Friday, I was dragged along to go drinking with some college friends. We ended up in the same bar in Roppongi as last week. One of the older guys in my prep class was very eager to invite me. I thought the professor would be coming, but that wasn't the case at all—even the guy who invited me ended up not being able to make it. It ended up being a peculiar party made up of just six second year students. There were no girls in the class to begin with, so there wasn't even that to look forward to. It was a trendy bar, but not the kind of place a bunch of single guys could really relax. The interior design was so overdone, all form over function. The prices were middling, and there wasn't much in the way of food. After two hours of partying, things were starting to drag. "That reminds me, Seigi, you quit your weekend shifts. I hardly see you at all these days, man." "Yeah, I started another part-time job." "What kind of job?" I knew if I answered honestly, saying I worked at a jewelry store mostly serving tea, it would turn into a Q&A session since everyone was bored and didn't have anything else to talk about. What should I say instead, though? That I was handing out flyers? No, that wouldn't be believable. I'd be getting paid more working the night shift than that. "Uh, um… I'm in the hospitality industry."

nice answer that doesn’t invite questions, dummy

"Oh, are we doing twenty questions? Are you a host?" "Seriously?! How much does it pay? What's the place like?" "No hostesses there? Are there any hotties? Like among your customers?" "You're gonna destroy your liver working a job like that. That shit is seriously rough." I guess the Q&A session was unavoidable after all. I was an idiot for trying to lie about it. Convincing them they were wrong was going to be a pain. I visualized the fictitious club. The owner was a foreigner, and I served drinks. We got a lot of customers from overseas and the prices were reasonable. Honestly, it wasn't that far off the mark. I mostly told them the truth—other than the fact that it was a jewelry shop—and my drunk classmates listened intently. I got a little carried away and started speaking triumphantly about how attractive my boss was—the blond-haired blue-eyed polyglot who was possessed of such overwhelming beauty that it was hard to believe that such a living creature even existed. The atmosphere changed when I got to that topic. They were all staring at me for some reason. "...So you're, like, alone with this boss of yours in the shop?" "Whoa, that's sick. What do you two get up to when there are no customers around?" "What do you mean, what do we get up to? I make drinks, clean, and run errands. Stuff like that." When they asked me how I'd gotten the job, I told them that I'd saved my now boss from some drunks on the street one night. The moment I mentioned that, the dull atmosphere did a total 180. My drunk classmates openly scowled at me and started hurling insults my way. "Dang, dude, you really... Nah, no way." "What? I don't understand." “It’s like she got handed to you on a silver platter. Let me switch places with you!” "Just hurry up and get dumped and have your dreams crushed so you can go cry alone in your room." "Wait, wait, wait, wait!" For some reason they didn't believe me when I clarified that my boss was a man. It was so unfair. I wasn't lying. They kept insisting that because I said he was attractive, I must have feelings for him. It made no sense. Why did I have to be in love with someone just because I thought they're beautiful?

seigi you are truly one of a kind. god bless. also I’m sure a number of you out there can make something of this if you put your mind to it

"I mean it's not like there's just one type of beauty! It's like Mt. Fuji on New Year's Day, or the sun setting over the horizon, that kind of beauty! It's like one of those things accidentally took human form by some twist of fate. Dating isn't even a question for the kind of thing I'm talking about." "What the hell is a hottie like Mt. Fuji? You're not making any sense." "What, is your boss some kind of literal angel?" "Yeah right."

closest they got and they call it off. you guys are hopeless By the way women aren’t objects guys. not cool.

The whole thing was torture, but I guessed I got what I deserved for making up an elaborate story when I wasn't a good liar to begin with. I just stopped caring, cut out early, and went home. My friend, Shimomura, said he'd walk me to the station. I tried to lose him when we left the club, but he stopped me with an "um, so..." and an awkward look on his face. "I know you probably don't know this, but the guy from our cram class who invited us here owns this club." "What?" "He wanted to be his own boss, so he got into the food services industry, but it's still not turning a profit. Seems like he's friends with the third years, so he's been using us as fodder." Now it all made sense. That was why he specifically took us to Roppongi, of all places. There was supposedly a pretty strong business focus in that prep class, so it made sense that the older students might be starting up on their own. He must've been losing money. I told him I didn't know and thanked him, and Shimomura gave a strained smile. "You know, I think I kinda get what you were talking about earlier. I know it's dumb, but I love getting to see Tokyo Tower out the window of the Yamanote Line so much I could just die. The view from around Hamamatsucho Station is the best—it's that angle right across from the JOQR building. You only get to see it for the second because the train's moving, but it's incredible around sunset. Just a taste of that view recharges my batteries even when I'm exhausted. I think that's the kind of beauty you were talking about, right?"

SHIMOMURA ❤️ OUR FRIEND SHIMOMURA ❤️

"Yes. Yes, that's what I was talking about. That's exactly what I was talking about." I felt like my head might come off from nodding so much. Shimomura's face crumpled into a smile that seemed like a 50/50 mixture of happiness and discomfort. "That sorta thing is so hard to talk about." "…I wish you could've said that back at the club. Also, there's nothing dumb about it." "You think so? I took a girl on the train at my favorite time during a first date and told her to look when we got to the spot, but it just confused her. Just a 'Huh? What?' and that was it. I guess not everyone has the same idea of what's beautiful." "Well, I'm one hundred percent positive you'd be bowled over if you met my boss. I guarantee it." "I'm just glad you're happy."

"Not going home yet?" "I'll hang out until the last train. I don't have any reason to go home really. See ya." The night had ended without me clearing up much of anything with the guys, but I thought I got through to Shimomura and that was good enough for me. I knew exactly what he meant when he said that not everyone had the same idea of what was beautiful. There were as many models of beauty as there were people in the world. There was nothing you could be entirely certain that every single person would find "beautiful." At least, that made sense to me. Though I wasn't sure I'd make the leap from that to the idea that you think something's beautiful just because of love. I didn't think love and beauty were the same at all. Sure, there could be things you loved because they're beautiful and things you thought were beautiful because you loved them, but I didn't think they were the same. [...]

this is a gun I'm realizing. I'll just take the bullet wound for now so we can keep it moving

[...] If I was going to take a stance on anything from now on, it's that. My feelings for Tanimoto were wholly unique. I couldn't compare them to my feelings for anyone or anything else. I wondered when I'd be able to muster the courage to tell her I was in love with her and wanted to go out with her? Maybe she'd tell me she loved me, too, with that adorable smile on her face. Well, I shouldn't get ahead of myself. I had to deal with the sports car thing first. What was I supposed to do? I wished I could find a clever way to tell her I didn't actually own the car without disappointing her. I wanted to find a way to make a grand comeback and turn my mistake into an opportunity. The voice in the back of my mind betrayed me though, vividly reminding me that it wouldn't work and that I should just give up already. I guessed people kind of got drunk on love and flip-flopped between visions of heaven and hell. My thoughts kept racing to either extreme. What if it made her hate me and she wouldn’t text me anymore, let alone talk to me? No, I just needed a good opportunity to take her on a rock-themed date or something. But what kind of date would that even be? Going out somewhere with hammers to mine rocks?

My more immediate concern was that I still couldn't move my leg, buried in trash bags. They seemed suspiciously heavy. I strained my eyes in the dark to see what it was. In the pile of trash beneath my feet, atop the transparent bags of trash, was... ...a person. "Wah!" They'd fallen over, splayed out flat on their face. And they weren't moving. Surely, they were just asleep, right? Just in case, I timidly touched the person's throat with my hand and felt a pulse. But they were very warm. "Are you okay? I can call an ambulance," I said loudly, but their response was slow. The person just groaned. They were wearing a grey button-down shirt and a vest made of a shiny black material. And they stank of booze. "Do you remember your name? How old are you?" “...Satoshiii Takatsuki. I'm twenty-seveeeen." Satoshi Takatsuki? Wait. That Satoshi Takatsuki? His body slid off the pile of trash bags and did a half tumble on his way down, landing on his butt as he hit the ground. He was positioned like an awkwardly sat up teddy bear, his face was red, and he was barely conscious. I lifted up his chin a bit to get a better look at his face. He was burning up. It was dark, so I could barely make out his features, but I knew this wasn't good. I used the telephone pole to confirm the street we were on, called an ambulance, and ran to the red-light district. I feel like this has been a recurring theme in my life lately. I asked the women for help with someone who'd passed out. They reacted quickly, like this was a common occurrence for them. Three people from separate shops came to help, but none of them knew who he was or where he worked. I told them his name was Takatsuki, but it didn't help. Before long, one of them headed back to their shop and returned with a pitcher full of water. Sirens and flashing lights approached while he was still vaguely conscious. Mr. Takatsuki groaned, and his head flopped over. I noticed something glittering around his neck. It was a gemstone. It was an amethyst pendant set in gold and dangling off a delicate golden chain. Two helmet-wearing EMTs came out of the ambulance, asking if anyone knew the man. It was becoming a bit of a scene, and people in suits and dresses started emerging from the other shops. I timidly responded. "…His name is Satoshi Takatsuki, and he says he's 27 years old." One of the EMTs kept calling his name. I looked around, but no one else responded. Even when another call went out for anyone that might know him, people just exchanged confused glances amongst themselves. I had an awful feeling about letting them take him off to the hospital alone. "I'll go with you." "What's your relation to the man?" “...He's one of our clients." "Are you sure you want to do this?" I nodded. I wasn't lying, either. I'd gotten a good look at his face when they laid him out on the stretcher. It really was him. His arms and legs flapped about, and he began shouting the name "Nozomi" over and over. I sent off a text just before I got into the ambulance. It was nearly midnight, but I figured he'd still be up. My boss, that was.

seeeeiiiiiigiiiiiiiiiiii…………….. you're too good....... and awfully confident about richard here. What would you do if he actually kept regular hours

The sliding door opened up, revealing a four-bed room. The morning light was blinding as it poured in through the windows. White frame beds sat atop the featureless cream floor. Only one of the four beds was occupied, by a tan man in hospital pajamas. "Hey." I gave a cheerful greeting, and Satoshi opened his eyes before crumpling back into bed, bitter expression on his face. "Oh, it's you... Um, what was your name again?" "Seigi Nakata. You really gave me a scare last night. Are you okay now?" "Well, as you can see, I'm not dead. When I woke up, they told me a young man who described me as a 'customer' came with me and waited until I was out of the woods. I couldn't figure out what shop it coulda been for the life of me... Um... What the hell were you doin' out there anyway? Also, it's Saturday, isn't it? Shouldn't you be working in Ginza right now?" "My boss let me come in late today. Trust me, I'm more shocked about that than anyone." "...You know, I never wanted to be the kind of old man who makes kids take care of him."

WHO SAID YOU’RE OLD!!!!!!!! sweet thing to say though, Averagely Aged Man

I sat down next to his bed, and Satoshi gave a defeated shrug. "You probably figured it out already, but I'm not actually a host." Satoshi began to tell his story in bits and pieces. His amethyst pendant was strewn on the table next to a cup of water. It looked much duller than it had when it was back at the shop. But maybe it was just the hospital's fluorescent lighting not doing it any favors. Satoshi explained that he was a bartender at a club in Roppongi. It was primarily a hostess club, not a host club. He said he didn't have a particularly high tolerance for alcohol, "just an average one." Two glasses of wine would have him dizzy and forgetting things, almost like he'd been drugged. […]

categorically Not an average tolerance for alcohol but sure

[…] But despite that, it was a point of pride for him that he had a very thorough understanding of the flavor of each alcohol. His family ran a vineyard in the mountains of Nagano. He described it as "painfully out in the boonies," in a hushed, embarrassed voice.

Nozomi was more of the bubbly, cutesy type of hostess. She overflowed with powerful customer service energy. She was the type of person who couldn't say "no" when everyone was having fun. She could never bring herself to pressure clients into drinking themselves into oblivion, so she'd offer to drink for them. As a result, despite being two years younger than Satoshi, her gamma-glutamyl transferase levels were already in dangerous territory. "Gamma… what?" "Glutamyl transferase." "I'm surprised you can remember that." "Of course I can, it's about Nozomi," Satoshi said like it was a given. It sounded as though she was like family to him already. "It's not like you can't make money if you don't drink like that, but she likes having fun with her customers, and she can't say no to their suggestions. I did tell her to just stop drinking, for the record." "Guess that didn't really work though, huh?" "You can't survive in the business if you don't drink at all. Honestly, if I really wanted to stop her, I'd have to get her to quit her job. But we're barely scraping by with both our earnings right now. I know tons of kids your age who want to work part-time in the biz, but it's really not a great line of work. Your liver can't hold out forever." "But when you came to our shop, you were putting on this whole influential host act." “……” He groaned and put his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" “…Nozomi's gotten obsessed with a host lately. That's where all her money's going—to supporting him." I let out a little "huh?" and Satoshi gave me a dubious look. The tone of his grumbling made it sound like it was nothing out of the ordinary, but the subject matter didn't seem to mesh with that. His girlfriend was seeing a host? "But you're still together...?" "Yeah... I'd be mad if she was dating another man, but hosts are kinda like idols. When they're on the clock, they might technically be men, but they're not 'real,' in a way. I dunno if that makes any sense to you, though. It's just like how someone being a hostess's number one client doesn't mean they're dating her." That was true, I supposed, but was he really satisfied with that arrangement? I looked at him trying to find an answer in his face, and he just laughed with a ragged expression. I guess not. "Nozomi lives for the night life. I know that. And I know that's why she spends money on that guy. She says that it's fun for her to see him having fun at the club with her money, that it makes her feel accomplished. It just sounds so depressing... but it's depressing for me, too. I mean, who is this host guy anyway? Don't you already have a bartender for a boyfriend? At most, we're talking the difference between a common goldfish and a fancy breed—they're still both goldfish." "I guess that sounds kinda like the difference between Richard and me."

classic comparison to make, thank you seigi. I can always count on you.

"It's torture." Apparently Nozomi had told him that hosts were just "dazzling." This was the guy who told me that regular men only look at hosts with one of two things in their eyes: disgust or jealousy. And that it tended to be jealousy for men who were in love. When his girlfriend essentially told him that he wasn't "dazzling," he made a decision. He would make a change. He would work to become the owner of a host club rather than a lowly bartender. "So you decided to... Wait, are you being serious? That's so reckless." "That's easy for you to say when you have no idea how much a popular host can make in a night. It's absurd. A club or two can get by on one popular guy. That's how this world works. I'm not kidding when I say attractive men can keep the world turning." “…Still, I think it's a pretty crazy idea." He looked a little embarrassed. Of course, I didn't know anything about the industry, but I was a little dubious that success could come so easily. I feel like host clubs would be all over the place if it really was that simple. The most laid-back person in my prep class has to be either me or Shimomura, and I just knew even he'd be a little suspicious if I asked his opinion on this. If a good man was enough to bring customers in, you'd first need to find that man—which was why Satoshi had been walking around Tokyo looking for "dazzling" men. He started pretending to be a host because it was hard to imagine getting a favorable response from people with, "Hi, I'm a bartender, would you like to become a host?" "But I couldn't find the right guy. The young ones would always get nervous at the mere mention of the industry, and when I got a bite, they'd immediately start asking me to lend them money." "Well... I guess that's to be expected..." He had zeroed in on the area around jewelry shops to hunt for host candidates. I think his theory that men going to buy jewelry either were hosts or would be interested in becoming one was pretty off the mark, but regardless, his dedication to getting something done when he put his mind to it was impressive. At any rate, he would loiter near jewelry shops and approach men going into or coming out of them. Whenever the employees chased him off, he'd move to another store. Just listening to the story was starting to get painful. After failing more times than he could count, Satoshi found himself meandering around the shops on the outskirts of Ginza. That was when he saw something that hit him like a bolt of lightning. Richard. "I was so shocked. A man who looked like he'd stepped right out of a classic Hollywood film was standing there, talking to a shop owner in fluent Japanese. I heard them chatting about how the sponge cake at that cafe over there was delicious and how he wishes the public bath nearby offered laundry services, too, and so on. […]

typical richard points of discussion. typical thing for him to do.

[…] After he left, I asked the shop owner about him and was told he owned a new jewelry shop in the area. I thought it must be fate. I mean, seriously, if anyone's born to be a host, it's him. Honestly, why is he in the jewelry business? He could make a living off that face alone." "I'm not sure he'd appreciate it if you told him that." "I'm being serious though." Put it the wrong way, and "you have a nice face" can sound like it comes with an implicit, "and it's the only aspect of you that has any value." Of course, Richard's looks were definitely extraordinary, and I didn't doubt he'd have at least the same power to attract guests that the pandas at Ueno Zoo[—”]

SEIGI.

[“—]did. But it wasn't like he just stumbled into being an Englishman with perfect Japanese running jewelry shop by no effort of his own. "...I mean, he came all the way from Europe to Japan to open a jewelry shop. I think he has a pretty good reason to be doing that." "Like what?" "I don't know, but maybe he just loves what he does?" He went silent. I wondered why. He had a weird expression, like he'd seen the straight ball I threw him coming but still took it to the face, and hard. I casually made the comment that if Richard wanted an easy life, he could probably go anywhere and have an affair with a member of some royal family, and Satoshi flashed a big, toothy host smile. It reminded me a bit of Shimomura's smile when he saw me off from the bar the other day—thirty percent happiness, seventy percent bitterness, and full of resignation. "What I wanna say is, he could just work for me, then." "All right, let's say you did get him on board. What was your plan after that?" "I decided I'd just go with the flow and figure it out from there. As far as the money goes, I could just get a loan. I think even if I confessed that I was really just a bartender, as long as I got a location rented, I could make it work somehow." "That's a pretty sorry excuse for a plan. You should probably be glad it failed."

SEIGI.

"You're probably right." This time the smile was closer to eighty percent bitterness. It hardly qualified as a smile anymore. Mr. Takatsuki wiped the sweat from his brow and his moist eyes with his pajama sleeve. "The thing is, I really hate the person I am right now. I love Nozomi, but I can't keep her safe and happy, and I'll never outshine a host. I can't even increase our income. I don't have anything. I've been scraping by, trying not to think about it for so long, but I don't think my body can take any more of this lifestyle. I feel burnt out, like the walls are closing in on me. That's when I found your jewelry shop. I kept thinking to myself, what the hell are you doing, man? Are you just gonna be a good-for-nothing drunk for the rest of your life?" “...So that's what the amethyst was about." "I went in planning to buy something, not really caring what it was. It was a lot less expensive than I thought." Almost exactly a week after he visited Richard's shop, he put on that amethyst pendant and went out. Nozomi had a client that made her drink a ton again that day, and she went into her usual routine. Normally, Satoshi would just watch from his place behind the counter, but for some reason, he just couldn't bear it that night. He put himself in the ring this time, downing all of Nozomi's drinks for her, making merry and drinking even more. The customer clapped for joy at seeing the bartender who usually rarely drank at all cutting loose, and Satoshi just kept drinking and drinking and drinking as long as the customer insisted. When he was starting to have a hard time standing, he slipped out the back of the club. Satoshi forced an awkward smile. Apparently, I had a pretty horrified look on my face. "Don't look at me like that. I didn't actually think legend about the amethyst preventing drunkenness was real. It was completely my fault. You and your boss had nothing to do with it." "That's not why I'm concerned. Do you know how many people die every year of acute alcohol poisoning? It's really not funny. And why did you leave the club like that? That was so dangerous." "I mean, I was drunk. Plus, I didn't want Nozomi to see me make a fool of myself." "You passed out in a pile of garbage."

SEIGI!!!!!!

“...I do remember making it two blocks down the street." He muttered to himself that he was surprised he was still alive and put his hands in mine. "Your name was... Seigi, right? I remember the EMTs saying your name. Thank you. You saved my life. And I'm so sorry for causing you so much trouble." "You really don't need to apologize to me. What are you planning to do now?" "I called the club earlier. I got chewed out and fired. Dating the hostesses is against the rules, so Nozomi might be in trouble, too. I'm worried. It doesn't take much to make her cry. She's always bawling at every little thing." "Did you call Nozomi?" "I texted her that I was in the hospital this morning. I figured she'd still be asleep." He smiled without reservation. He smiled again when I gave him a concerned look. It was a defiant smile. The defeat that had colored all his expressions thus far had vanished. "It's so weird. I've done something so stupid, but for some reason I don't regret any of it." I gave him an indignant look, and he put his hands together and apologized profusely. "What am I gonna do now... You know, I think I might try going back to the country. My parents have a vineyard, see. I'm the oldest son, but I kinda shirked my duties. If I help out, surely they'll let even their good-for-nothing son sleep under their roof. Plus, the grapes my old man produces sparkle like gems. They're delicious, to boot." "What about Nozomi?" "You really know how to hit a guy when he's down. I'm a farmer at heart. I'm a totally different breed from a hostess, and our incompatibility couldn't be more obvious now. I'm not good enough for her. And I'm not old fashioned enough to ask her to come with me." "Does that mean you're breaking up with her?" He went quiet and thought for a moment before silently shaking his head. "I can't give up on her. I want her to wait for me. I'm gonna tell her I'll come back to Tokyo someday, so if she can bear it—" "Sounds like you're expecting a lot of patience. How do you know you won't meet someone else while you're in Nagano? Are you sure you don't actually want her to come with you?" "Of course I do! I love her! But it's not that simple." He sounded genuinely mad. I was still a little worried but figured I'd said enough. "Did you hear that? That's how he feels!" I said, half shouting. The door to the room opened without a sound, and a bubbly, cutesy woman tottered in. Her brown hair was a mess, and she had a seasonally inappropriate coat on over her dress. She clutched a pink towel, and her whole face was red from crying. Satoshi shouted, "Nozomi!" "How dumb can you be?! Why are you so stupid?! You can't still be drunk! You big, stupid, useless idiot!" "What are you doing here?" "Oh, shut up, dummy! Obviously, I'm here because I was worried about you!" I left Satoshi in his panic and got up from my seat. Nozomi sat down in my place, wiping her face with the towel while giving Satoshi a couple of gentle smacks across the face. "You almost died! How can you act like barely anything happened... Don't text me when it's something that important, you oaf! Call me! You big, stupid dummy... Maybe you should just go die for real!" "I'm sorry, Nozomi. I'm so sorry." "I can never leave you alone. I guess I have no choice but to go with you," Nozomi said, clutching Satoshi's hands and falling onto the bed in tears. I left the room with a big grin on my face and walked down the hall. I bowed to one of the nurses near the elevator, and she responded in kind.

I know the answer. I know. but Could you two be normal people for a change

Richard checked his watch. It was 10:30 a.m. If we took the Jaguar, we could get back to the store by 11:00 easily. "You could have gone back without me." "And without access to a car, you would be late to work."

no they can’t . what a shock

I'd contacted Richard while I was stuck waiting at the hospital. He was initially in a very bad mood because he'd already gone to bed, but when I explained the situation, he let out a sigh and asked me when visiting hours started. We'd had basically the same idea: I'd go home, get some rest, then meet up in Ginza and take Richard's green Jaguar to the hospital. As we were coming up into the hospital from the underground parking, we ran into a woman who'd arrived by taxi. Her eyes were red, and she had an ostentatious hairstyle that didn't really match her hastily cobbled-together wardrobe. We ended up in the same elevator, got off on the same floor, and were headed in the same direction. When I saw her write the name "Nozomi Kanzaki" in big bubble letters on the guest form, I remembered what Satoshi had been shouting the previous night: Nozomi. I took her aside and asked her if she wouldn't happen to know a Satoshi Takatsuki, and I was right. What little composure she had left dissolved. She broke down crying and told us all the dirty details of Satoshi's rampage the previous night. He barged in on a party, got drunk, and disappeared before anyone realized. He didn't come back by closing time. The owner was furious and fired him on the spot. Nozomi was worried about him, so she went looking for him after closing time, only to find an ambulance had taken a bartender away and was told what hospital they'd taken him to. She cried as she disparaged him. She had no idea why he'd done it. She broke down sobbing, saying that if he was unhappy with something, he should have just talked to her about it, and that she didn't know what to do anymore. And the person who got down on his knees to catch her was none other than my boss. When she saw Richard's face, Nozomi blushed with embarrassment, asking what club he was from again. We had a little meeting on the bench in front of the nurses' station. A sort of strategy meeting. Richard was the ideas man. Nozomi gave the go-ahead, and I was the one assigned to execute it. The plan was simple, really, I'd use my position as the person who saved his life to get him to talk honestly about what was going on. Honestly, I wasn't crazy about the idea in the beginning. I mean, there could be some circumstances behind the whole situation that might be better left unsaid, and Nozomi might get hurt. But Richard looked at me with calm eyes the whole time. We might not have known each other all that long, but—and I know this sounds crazy—I didn't want to do anything that could bring him unhappiness. I almost felt like I couldn't do that to him. I had the feeling that Richard had already gotten a pretty solid read on the situation before he even proposed the plan.

I know this sounds crazy, he says. seigi Did you know? You just said one of the most obvious things in the world to us just now

Nozomi encouraged me, telling me to "give 'im hell!", and I braced myself for what I was about to do. In the end, it wasn't as bad as I'd feared. While we were in the elevator, which was big enough to fit a hospital bed, I asked Richard a question. "What exactly was bothering you so much when Mr. Takatsuki left the shop? Don't tell me you knew this would happen."

"You could tell he wasn't really a host though, right?" "Someone who is confident in their profession doesn't go out of their way to boast about it indiscriminately. He had the feeling of a buzzing mosquito, following you everywhere, yet easily charmed by the flame of a candle." "So that's what was going through your head while you were talking about gemstones. Scary..." "Excuse you." Richard pondered it on his own for a bit after that, saying he had the sense that what Satoshi had been after wasn't actually a gemstone. "So what was he after in the end? Maybe it really was a host." "I don't think that's the case. The thing he wanted from the very bottom of his heart wasn't a piece of jewelry but something that would make him feel like it gave him a power-up." "A power-up? Like a magic accessory in a video game?" "It's not magic, but you often hear stories about people who don't normally wear jewelry acting differently when they do. Wearing jewelry makes them more acutely aware of themselves and how others look at them, and they act accordingly. Beautiful gemstones have a unique power to their beauty." "So they can kinda influence people's behavior. Like a fancy stone might make a woman feel compelled to act more elegantly?" "Or it might make her more arrogant or less cautious about spending money." "These all sound like bad things." "Of course, gemstones can have a positive influence on behavior as well. Like an athlete's good luck charm or, on the more extreme end, the way the crown jewels are said to bestow wisdom on their wearer. At any rate, humans are creatures that grow in order to accomplish their own desires. A gemstone might act as a catalyst for action, but they are not the engine—only the heart can provide the fuel for that." “...That sounds kind of scary." "You're absolutely hopeless." Satoshi had had a carefree smile on his face, but if anything had gone differently, he could have died. As the thought of how close to the brink he'd come last night sent a chill down my spine, Richard continued talking. "While I don't dispute that it's up to the individual to determine what they do and where, as a simple lover of gemstones, I would like to do what I can to prevent situations where beautiful stones bring unhappiness to others. Let us be thankful for your extraordinary luck." My shoulders drooped. There couldn't be many part-time jobs that came with so many extra obligations.

okay seigi you need to listen to me closely: there aren't that many extra obligations. you just take them on yourself. you are doing this to yourself. I love you very much also

When the elevator arrived at the first floor, a pajama-clad elderly person and an accompanying younger person were waiting in front of the door. The way Richard startled the moment the door opened was kind of funny. We left the hospital from there. I wondered if Nozomi had stopped crying yet. "You know, I was wondering. I noticed when you explained what the word amethyst comes from meant you said that it meant 'to not become intoxicated by alcohol' and not for 'alcohol not to intoxicate you.' I don't entirely understand what the difference in nuance is, but you seemed very particular about your choice of words there." "Oh, you have an interest in Greek grammar? It's a difference in voice: active vs. passive. And the Greek word happens to be in the passive voice." "Nope, I don't. And even if I were, I'm definitely not that interested!" As we headed toward the door to the underground parking lot, the jeweler gave me a fast-paced lecture. He explained that back in the era when most people believed that gemstones possessed magical powers, people used to believe that amethysts would ward off intoxication, and thus their owners would, "not become intoxicated by alcohol." For however many thousands of years alcohol has existed, people have probably always overindulged and suffered for it. Even if you took Satoshi's story, for example, he acted recklessly because he wanted to protect Nozomi and didn't want her to get drunk. The way they got there was pretty awful, but I guess in the end, everything turned out all right. "Who was that god of wine again? Bacchus? Sounds like a pretty lazy guardian deity to me." "In various tales, Bacchus, also known as Dionysus, is a passionate god who is no stranger to drunkenly barging in on parties. Perhaps, in a sense, you could say he did bless our wayward client." "You should definitely not mention that to him." Richard gave me a look, like he was surprised I was telling him something so obvious. He pushed the button on his key fob when we got to the parking lot. The car made a couple of beeps as it awoke. I decided this might be my best shot. "Ahh, today's been such a lovely day, huh? We saw a love story end well—doesn't it just make you feel good about the world? I gotta hand it to you, your cupid strategy was a total success. I wonder what those two are gonna do next." "You know, I've been thinking this since I was waiting outside the room earlier, but you really are an atrocious actor." "I'm sure that if Tanimoto and I had someone in our corner who was so smart and honorable, then—" "There are those who say that love is a disease of the heart. Let us pray upon the power of the stone that prevents one from becoming intoxicated to swiftly quell your fever. Well, I guess people only tend to think something counts once what's behind the curtain is revealed. I think the moment satiating your vanity becomes your foremost priority, your budding romance has much more significant problems to worry about."

I was pretty sure that even if I passed the civil service exam in one try, I'd never be able to afford a Jaguar. But I wanted to be able to experience this indescribable slow-speed rollercoaster ride with her someday, even just once. I wanted to savor the feeling of our familiar world becoming an unfamiliar space with her. Though maybe she would just go, "Huh? What?" But maybe she would smile at me softly.

We'd stopped next to a hotel with a concert hall attached. I guessed it was a pretty fancy area. I'd never stayed at the hotel or even gone inside, so you might be wondering how I knew about it. Well, it all went back to a rather painful and pathetic moment last Christmas, when I was diligently doing research just in case I ever got a girlfriend.

seigi......... why's THIS the part that makes the chapter topical. you're so LAME!!!!! and SWEET ALSO SOMEHOW. let me throw rocks at you

Thank you. Thank you, past me. If I could go back in time and let you know that your lonely, girlfriendless internet browsing would pay off, I would. I feel like that could have kept you from suffering in vain. The customer that day was a man from the Maldives. He had a cheerful chat with Richard in a language I couldn't even recognize as they ate the tropical mousse I'd bought.

and that concludes this edition of Seigi Sunday on "The Amethyst of Protection". on this Still christmas.* Merry Christmas! and happy holidays!!! That ones not out of date :)

[darthkvznblogs]

October Spooks After-Action Report

I didn't have nearly as much free time as I hoped I would, but I still managed to watch Over the Garden Wall, Coraline, and Paranorman, all for the first time! Here are my thoughts:

Over the Garden Wall: I think I went in maybe just a tad overhyped - it left me wanting a bit more, by the end - but nevertheless, it was pretty fantastic! I totally get why it's a yearly must-watch for some people, the ambiance and sense of unsettling whimsy is pretty much worth the watch on its own, and the VAs do a fantastic job of selling you on the characters right away. It's so...immersive, that when they flashback to the real world you feel like a bucket of ice water has been dumped on your head. I will say, though, having seen The Beast around many times, I did not expect him to sound like that lol.

Coraline: great movie, good story, though I do feel like it only lands half as well as it does due to the art and animation styles. Not to say a 2D or 3D animated version would've been bad, I'm sure that they would've figured something out, but watching it I just got a sense of "this movie lives and dies on the jitter and jank of stop motion". I was kinda surprised by the portrayal of neglect from Coraline's parents. I really loved Other Mother's final form. And Coraline herself is a huge standout, loved her character.

Paranorman: this movie is half pretty funny, and half really sad. I was expecting to be a bit more disturbed by the zombies (I am a notorious zombie hater, death and rot freak me out), but their designs and MO are more comedic than anything else (the only bit that got me was at the very start, when the movie zombie chomps on a victim's head and the sound effect of Norman munching on something sync up, gave me the heebies and the jeebies). Aggie's story kinda messed me up (surprisingly didn't tear up, which I do very easily). I do feel like the supporting cast went from "we reject Norman and his weirdness" to "we defend him in front of the whole town" way too quickly, the movie needed like 10-15 minutes extra there (which I'm sure would've been another year of pain-stakingly posing clay, so I don't hold it against them haha)

I can't quite decide if I liked OTGW or Coraline more. I think the latter, right now, but it changes day by day. Wish I'd gotten to more suggestions, but there's always next year :')

[audinosaur]

aoba johsai <3 lover

hi here’s some songs from taylor swift’s lover album that i think match each seijoh pairing :)) 

iwaoi <3 lover

i mean c’mon

it’s IWAOI ofc they get the title track

“and you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me / and at every table, i’ll save you a seat” 

AHSJDJ it’s them !! they don’t even have to say anything, if there’s a chair open next to iwa/oiks, everyone automatically knows who it’s unofficially reserved for

“and i’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you”

^ i think this covers both oikawa’s natural jealousy as well as how iwaizumi’s watched time after time again as countless amounts of people crush on his tooru

just the term “lover” for them. i think it’s the word they’d use in the timeskip when describing their “secret relationship” during interviews, it reveals as little as possible about the “mystery person” while still properly communicating just how important they are :)

matsuhana <3 it’s nice to have a friend

makki and mattsun genuinely have no fucking clue how they got together, they just sorta slowly shifted from being friends and doing friend things to doing boyfriend things and being boyfriends

bc of this they just picked a random ass day as their anniversary and just rolled w it

matsuhana’s so interesting to me because they’re friends to lovers like iwaoi/kinkuni yet each of them is a different FLAVOR of friends to lovers that i can’t quite explain but i love em

“something gave you the nerve / to touch my hand”

THEY!! YES! doing all their coupley shit all the while saying “it’s nice to have a friend” even though they both realize it’s faded into something much more

“twenty questions, we tell the truth” idk they just seem like they’ve never lied to each other before bc they’ve never had any reason to hide what they’re feeling

kyouhaba <3 afterglow

*deep inhale* OKAY there’s a LOT !

it should be noted that literally so fucking many of the other songs fit them but i want something slightly kinda happy pls :’)

i really love this song and it’s portrayal of arguing w your loved one and then taking the time afterwards to apologize and take accountability 

and there are so so many kyouhaba fics where they fight and then make amends (although i still think there should be even MORE)

i just love them having so many feelings and not enough ways to deal w them and the vulnerability when they own up to their mistakes and AAHHHHHHHH

“i don’t wanna do this to you / i don’t wanna lose this with you” and “hey, it’s all me, just don’t go” 

(^ examples of them being VULNERABLE AND OPEN)

also “tell me that you’re still mine / tell me that we’ll be just fine / even when i lose my mind”

i am normal about them! (lie)

side note i like how when perusing the seijoh couples gallery you just see “childhood friends to lovers!”, “best friends to lovers!”, “pals to lovers!”, then you turn the corner and see the most aggressive, tension-fueled enemies(?) to lovers pairing you’ve ever seen for no goddamn rhyme or reason

kinkuni <3 paper rings 

paper rings has a childlike whimsy that suits kindaichi & kunimi’s relationship perfectly 

half of the lyrics seem like things kindaichi would say to kunimi w full earnesty too

“i’m with you even if it makes me blue” and “wrap your arms around me, baby boy” !!!

(kunimi calls it “corny”, kindaichi calls it “romantic”, both with dumbass, lovestruck smiles on their faces)

“i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this” is 100% kunimi though, he doesn’t like surprises and events that require him to exert extra effort, but for kindaichi? he’s more than okay with it

the whole song is just so sugary sweet and shamelessly adorable and at the end of the day that’s what kinkuni is! (at least behind closed doors, bc they get embarrassed sometimes)

and bc i can’t leave my boy out, it should be noted that watari shinji is a red man to his very CORE. you bet your ass on his twenty-second birthday he was blasting 22 like his life depends on it

[edwin-paynes-bowtie]

Butterflies

A Herondaisy drabble based on @hanelizabeth's beautiful art. Also, @angeldaisies, I think you'll like this one too.

You can read it on Ao3!

---

James dimly recalled Cordelia once telling him that she looked better in deep hues rather than pastels. She could not have been more wrong. James knew that his wife would be beautiful in anything she chose to wear, make the wings of his heart beat heavily until it took off inside of his chest. And now, looking upon her in her newest gown, James felt those wings take flight and lodge in his throat.

He was lost for words. Breathless. Angel, Cordelia was a dream beyond anything he had ever imagined.

She spun around, an impish smile on her face. "So, do you like it? I know it is far from my usual attire, but I rather liked all of the butterflies on the skirt." She paused. "There's just so much... so much whimsy-"

James knew that his golden eyes were smoldering as he took her in. "'Whimsy' is perhaps not the word I would assign to what I am currently feeling," he said, his voice deep and rich. He laughed, a low sound in his moth-addled mouth as the butterflies moved low in his belly. "I am thinking more along the lines of 'beauty' and 'excessively hopeless desire.'"

In an attempt at true whimsy, James waggled his eyebrows, and Cordelia laughed. She strolled up to him, lifted a finger, and poked his nose. "Your expression is truly quite amusing," she informed him lightly. "As though I am some sort of angel come to life, though I assure you that I am having far too much fun teasing my husband to truly be angelic."

Up close her opal earrings winked. They were set in gold, bringing out the glint of the globe necklace that James still remembered being fastened around her neck for the first time. The gold complimented the flame of her hair perfectly, and the blue...

Well, that brought out the sky shade of her gown, and the white accents and butterflies and sash offset her rich brown skin. The curve of a smile graced her lips, and James...

He wove a hand around her waist.

He pulled her in close.

And when their lips met, the butterflies in his throat and stomach became too much to bear. He made a small noise of desire as he trailed his hand up the small of her back to rest at the nape of her hair, the thick red chignon brushing the sides of his hands...

Cordelia pushed him away with a giggle. "Do control yourself," she said. "There shall be plenty of time for that tonight, and I will wear the dress if you want."

"I certainly would not complain," James told her in perhaps too agreeable a tone. "But you're right. As much as it pains me to let go, I would not wish to miss our dinner reservation. You know that I can never say no to duck ala orange, tempting though it may be."

-

The duck was good, but Cordelia was better.

She sat across from him devouring her lamb chops and parsnips, talking of a ridiculous dinner that she had recently had with Thomas and Alastair at their home in Cornwall Gardens. "I am telling you, Alastair gave me those lemons to mock me," she said. "You know how I find them too sour!"

"Very rude of him," James agreed, though there was no mirth in it. He liked Alastair. "Next time we have him over, we'll find a way to get him back. Perhaps an extra lump of sugar in his tea?"

"Oh, no. Set out blackberry tarts and pretend that there are not enough for him. He will be horribly overset by the time I reveal that there are, in fact, more in the icebox."

James laughed.

Over dessert, he told Cordelia about the time that he had gone to a market in Alsace with his father, an overcast day when the sun shone over dozens of cards filled to the brim with books. "And that was my first experience with a pop-up stalls," he said. "And now they are an eternal part of my existence."

"Oh!" Cordelia clapped her hands. "I remembered something. Next week in Camden there is to be a book fair. I saw a flyer for it at Comb's Coffee."

"Well, we're going. Mark the date," he told her. "And I will, of course, buy you all the books you want."

Cordelia grinned radiantly, and the opals in her ears sparkled. "Sounds like I'll be requiring a handcart," she said.

"And don't worry," James told her. "I'll select the most insufferable-looking bargain romance that I see so we can read it before the fire and laugh at its nonsense all night."

"My favorite kind of sleepless night," Cordelia agreed.

"You mean second favorite," James argued.

"No, actually, I don't." She smiled. "Though, of course, our other activities are a very close second, I very much just enjoy spending time with you."

She is my best friend, James thought unbidden. Absolutely and completely, I am hers.

And when he finally peeled her butterfly dress off after a night of laughter by the fireplace, he did not forget that.

[ideas-on-paper]

Lies of P - No Specter Challenge Results

It's been a while since I finished Lies of P, and I'm already on my first NG+ right now, but I thought it would be fun to take a retrospective look at the results of the No Specter Challenge I had running during my live playthrough of it.

Since I streamed my complete first playthrough of Lies of P, I still have the recordings of the boss fights I did live on camera. The breaks during my streams have been subtracted from the times, however, since I had to take those from the edited episodes (the breaks were usually about 10 - 15 minutes).

More information and backstory under the cut 🔽

My Lies of P No Specter Challenge was something that I originally started out of a whimsy. When I got to the Scrapped Watchman (who really gave me a hard time during the demo), I did a voting on my Mastodon account, saying "Hey, would anyone like to see me trying myself at the Scrapped Watchman without Specter? Y'know, for the extra challenge?"

Of course, everybody voted "yes" (probably expecting to see me gloriously fail), and I said "You know what? I'm going to set 2 hours as a limit, so let's see if I can beat him in that time."

It was, as I expected, a fierce struggle, but about an hour into the stream, I actually managed to beat him - with one millimeter of health left, three perfect blocks just at the right moment, and a final blow just before the lightning got me. Needless to say, I was beyond myself with happiness and relief.

Later, when I was about to fight Fuoco, I did the same voting again, this time (curiously) with the result that I should fight him with Specter. However, my stream crashed at some point without my knowledge, so I not only had to re-do the boss fight, but all my game progress up until this point. (I made a habit of regularly copying my saves on a USB stick since then.)

Nevertheless, despite winning the battle against Fuoco, it almost felt too easy with Specter support. So when I re-recorded the fight, I said "You know what, I feel like I can do this without Specter, so let's give it a try." And I succeeded, at my second attempt even! (I almost got him the first time, just took a bit of an unlucky hit at the end.)

From there on, I decided I would try myself at all the bosses without Specter for my own fun (and kind of regretted it when encountering Andreus). I'm pretty proud that I managed to do almost every boss solo, with the exception of Romeo. (Unfortunately, it seems I blew all of my luck on the White Lady beforehand, whom I defeated first try - weapon break included!)

After Romeo, I also introduced a rule allowing me to use a guide after one hour if I can't beat the boss for whatever reason (frankly, the biggest problem for me was how to deal with Romeo's inferno combo). This rule really helped me out later with Laxasia, who also has what I call "bullshit combos" you can only counter with very specific tactics or items.

Other than that, I actually did all of the boss fights in the game with one and the same weapon: the Wintry Rapier handle + various upgraded versions of the Greatsword of Fate blade. (I started out with the Rapier and a Technique build, and I've been using the combo with the Greatsword blade ever since the Scrapped Watchman.) It may not be the fanciest weapon combo skill-wise, but it does really good raw damage. I did briefly use special weapons during some battles - like Etiquette for my first few tries against Andreus and the Puppet Ripper for the Green Monster - but these didn't really do much to help me (in fact, it almost ended up losing me the fight against Andreus, since the raw damage of Etiquette is really lackluster).

So, I essentially took on all bosses in the game solo, with no special weapons, no special amulets (since these were always too heavy for me to wear), just with my good old trusty standard weapon and my more or less fixed combination of amulets. (Life/Blue Guardianship Amulet, Patience/Leaping Amulet, Recharged Amulet and an amulet for bonus damage depending on the type of enemy.) And from my experience, it's absolutely doable.

As far as explanations go, I think this should suffice for now. However, if there's anything else you'd like to know, like tips for a specific boss, feel free to leave me a comment. I'm open for Q&A. :-)

[brothershardy]

Now that things had been finally settled, Joe could enjoy the start of the holidays, and Hogwarts was at it's most crowded. Snow had fallen thickly on the ground, making the Beauxbatons carriage look like a giant blue frosted cake, and he could only imagine how the Durmstrang students were handling their ship, now frozen in so close to the shoreline of the Lake. But considering where they came from, this was probably mild weather for them.

Ron did manage to ask Padma, having lost some of his grumpiness, and Padma graciously accepted, as she must have been warned by Parvati ahead of time. But the girls rushed off together to plan their outfits, and Joe finally was able to convince Ron to give him the redhead's dress robes to try and fix them.

"Do you even know how to handle it?" Ron asked as he handed over the offending garments.

"One of my absolute best friends is a fashionista," Joe assured him. "I learned from the best. Now, I just need some scissors, some thread and a few needles, and no one to fucking bother me for a few hours, or I'm gonna get distracted."

Emboldened by this, Ron was able to convince the other Gryffindors to give Joe a corner of the common room to himself, but that didn't stop many from stopping and watching him as he worked, tearing off the lace and cutting some of the frayed endings, before he started in one some extra measuring, adding cloth, and some new golden thread points. He started in the morning, and by that evening, after only a few bathroom and food breaks, he had a set of robes that looked incredibly stylish and revamped from their original era.

"Wow!" Ron accepted them with awe in his eyes. "They look brand new!"

"I knew my cosplaying days would work out," Joe said with pride. "And I even lengthened them so that your ankles aren't showing. You're welcome, thee of little faith."

(*)

Christmas Day was when things got exciting. For one thing, Dobby gifted socks to everyone in the boys' dormitory, even though none of them matched, which just added to the whimsy. He got a good portion of presents from everyone, and the presents he gave to Harry and Ron -- individualized bags of their favorite sweets and a certificate to Zonko's respectively -- were also appreciated.

Breakfast in the Great Hall was wonderful, as per usual, before they spent a good morning in the common room enjoying and swapping presents. Joe's Christmas sweater from Molly was a beautiful rose red with a golden dragon on the front, and he, with the Weasleys, Hermione and Harry, took a selfie to send back to her to let her know that her sweaters were always loved.

Lunch was a wonderful feast to celebrate the holiday, with lots of ham and turkey, and various knickknacks scattered around the tables. Joe and Ginny pulled a few crackers for the prizes inside, one of them including a rather gorgeous wizard's hat of old. Then they all ran outside for a few hours of snowball fights and sledding, before Hermione mentioned it was time to start getting ready for the Ball.

The other boys, once dressed, were more awkward and self conscious than one would think. Joe was the only one really primping in the mirror, working on his curls and even adding a bit of makeup to hide a few red spots. Once he was ready, he headed off with Ron and Harry, until they reached the Great Hall, where it was already packed with various students in their best outfits.

"Hello boys!" Parvati and Padma were at the bottom of the staircase, both dressed in identical dresses -- Parvati in shocking hot pink and Padma in a beautiful teal shade -- with their hair braided in gold and bangles on their wrists.

"You look quite dashing," Padma complimented Ron, who blushed a little.

"Hello Joe!" Luna came drifting over, in the fluffiest periwinkle blue gown he'd ever seen. Little silver stars had been sprinkled in her hair, and she had large silver earrings shaped like ornaments; overall, she made for a pretty image, and she smiled serenely as she joined them. "Professor McGonagall needs us to stay by the doors so that we greet everyone as they go inside."

"Sure thing," Joe said, offering her his arm, and she accepted it. "See ya guys. And remember, be gentlemen. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

Harry had absolutely no idea why, but for some reason it caused him a feeling of relief to know that Joe was taking someone nice, and…platonic. That he cut Hermione’s smirk off at the knees, asserting that he’d asked Luna as a friend, made Harry grin even though he didn’t know what he was happy about. Joe was matter-of-fact on such things, if he was interested, he’d say so.

As for poor Ron, his mortification over the flub with Fleur was more than relatable. Joe’s report of her bloodline had them all raising brows, and Hermione nodded knowingly. “That makes sense, and explains a lot. I mean, she is lovely, but it felt rather supernatural. How’d you learn that?” she asked Joe with interest.

Harry shook his head at Joe, and gave Hermione a wry look for correctly interpreting. “I was walking over to, but she was with some friends and one of them asked about the colors they’re wearing. I mean, I reckon she’d have been kind about it, she is sweet that way, but I’m glad I didn’t have to go through the fluster.”

And, well, if he had to be too late to ask the pretty Ravenclaw…at least Cedric was someone he could admire. They did make a rather handsome pair.

He was surprised to hear about Draco and Hermione, and joined Ginny in grinning at her. “Well, well, now. I’m proud of him for getting right on that, sounds like he knew what he wanted.” Hermione smacked his arm, but Harry kept laughing, glad that for once they could tease her over something fun and lighthearted.

Hearing that he’d been a rubbish date to Parvati, or her sister, made Harry wince. “….another opportunity to be damned glad you’re here,” he sighed. “I’m finding all of this to be nonsense, but yes, I’d regret being a prat for no good reason.” Harry rubbed his forehead. “This ball’s more trouble than it’s worth, if you ask me.”

As if on cue from Joe’s words, Lavender and Parvati were coming in through the portrait hole, and Harry straightened his shoulders. Why not. “Parvati? Will you go to the ball with me?”

Parvati went into a fit of giggles, which Harry neither understood nor wanted to understand. “Yes, all right then,” she said finally, blushing furiously. Harry desperately hoped Joe wasn’t misled by his world’s books, and that Harry hadn’t just sparked some later drama over an unreturned crush.

“Thanks,” he said, aiming for polite. “Um, and it’s weird to ask, but Ron’s still stag–does your sister have a date? I’d ask you, but I know Seamus did,” he added to Lavender, who looked flattered that this was public knowledge.

“I can ask Padma, sure,” Parvati confirmed, giving Ron a sidelong look. “Though he ought to, you know.”

“He’s a bit out of sorts, but I’ll tell him to,” Harry offered, sparing Ron by not explaining the whole Fleur debacle. “Really, though, thank you. I don’t mind the idea of going alone, but it seems all our close friends aren’t, and I’d just prefer a big group fun thing, you know?” There, wording it so it was clear it was platonic.

“Ooh, right, I heard about Malfoy asking Granger,” Lavender said keenly. “Is that a thing? What a twist, coming from a family like his.”

“I’m going to stay out of that,” Harry replied, snorting, and he parted from the girls as they burst into giggles again, heading back to the others. “Done, and Ron, shake it off. Joe’s right, we need to be nice, so actually ask Padma. Just–you know, ‘want to go as friends?’ kind of thing.”

“Well, that worked out tidily,” Hermione said, smiling as she sat down. “And we’re going to have fun! Gin, can Luna dance? Joe’s got ballet experience, I assume he can lead just fine if not.”

[gingerteaonthetardis]

Thinking about that scene in boom town where they all pull out shitty early 2000s mobiles despite the fact jack and nine are time travellers and theres really no need for them to have them except. I'm fully convinced they bought them to keep in contact with rose when she's being jeopardy friendly

Anyway. So nine has his boom town phone ten has the flip phone Martha gave him and maybe rose (in a rose stays au) has the same phone or she keeps getting the same phone because it's what she's used to do and she does not want to update, she doesn't care what these new phones can do. But then the old companions are trying to set up a group chat so she finally relents

But they're time streams are so often out of sync that they still don't hear from the time travellers all that often and they start to wonder if they're dead or something but then they'll get a message from rose like 'cant talk right now we're being held in a dungeon again and about to get tortured for information. See you Sunday when we get out of here :)' and it's always some insane shit like that. I don't where I'm going with this but I think the companions should be allowed to share their insane lives with each other with the doctor and rose occasionally popping in to give updated before disappearing again because they had to reset the timeline again

i sat here and just nodded the whole time, you're so right on every count.

- jack and nine having special rose phones!!!! are you for real!!!! yes!!!

- also nine has, like. three numbers on speed dial. one is rose and the other is a pizza place that closed in 1983 and never reopened. the third number is cher, but he does not know that because he's never called it

- i think rose would only upgrade when a) yes, the gang beg her to join the groupchat but also b) she discovers that getting an iphone or whatever doesn't mean you have to give up all your cutesy nokia phone charm whimsy!!!! she goes to some random market and sees a stand selling the most extra phone accessories imaginable. pop sockets with aj mclean's face on them. glitter gel cases. stickers that squish when you press them. cases shaped like burgers and unicorns and stuff. like, she can truly just get whatever she wants and that's what ultimately sells her on the upgrade. (i firmly believe bill is the one helping her with this. to her chagrin)

- rose being the most unhinged in the groupchat also tracks to me. she'll on the one hand be like hey martha, can you ask your mum for her roast recipe? but then she'll follow immediately with btw can't make it to dinner, we're currently on a sinking ship in kublai khan's fleet and martha is just like..... *sigh* *flips through recipe cards*

- rose and jack have a complex and inscrutable shared emoji language. i don't make the rules

- unlike david tennant, nine knows what the eggplant emoji means and he uses it indiscriminately and with extreme prejudice